THIS WEEK
It is absolutely unbelievable that we are thirty weeks pregnant, I am 10 weeks away from our due date (although we won't get to our due date, we're looking at 8 weeks at the most) still unbelievable. This week I had an appointment with my obstetrician, I ended up leaving a little nervous but I think I am just reading into things a little too much. I passed my gestational diabetes test (with our son I barely failed the 1hour and had to go back for the 3hour which I passed) I am also not anemic which was a worry since I was during my pregnancy with our son and ultimately aas grateful for the higher iron intake after loosing so much blood during delivery - just goes to show how different two pregnancies can be. I am measuring on track as far as belly measurements go, despite the fact that she is measuring ahead, she is not head down but no one is worried about that. As for the ultrasound, he says it is very reassuring and everything looks good, I asked about our delivery and because of our history the threshold for him to deliver her early is very small but he also said that he would like to go to 37-38 weeks. Having that extra week is both terrifying and comforting; while 37 weeks is commonly considered "full term" there is still so much growth that needs to happen in those last 3 weeks and although her safety is the number one priority - meaning, if she is safer out of me than in, I'll take it - every day she spends safely growing within me is better. It is comforting to think that my ob, despite knowing our history and the concerns surrounding this pregnancy, that he feels comfortable with the idea of letting me go to 38 weeks. However, the possibility of going to 38 weeks also means that I have to survive another week, we are so close to meeting this baby girl and I am still so absolutely terrified to loose her that it scares me to think I have to manage the stress and anxiety for another week - but we've gotten this far, I've managed, and I pray that our baby girl will continue to grow safe and healthy for the next 8 weeks until she is safe and screaming in my arms. I am jealous of the naive women who hope for early inductions (medically or naturally..) just because they are uncomfortable, or think it is more convenient than waiting to go into labor naturally, I wish my concerns of making it to the due date were that simple and naive. But ranting aside, I just pray I will continue to carry our baby girl safely until she is born, I can't wait to meet her and get to know her, I can't wait to watch her grow up.
BABY UPDATE
Baby girl is the size of a pineapple for these next few weeks, over the next few weeks she will weigh approximately 2lbs 5ounces to 3lbs 7ounces and measure between 15 inches to 16.5 inches from the top of her beautiful head to her little toes.
Her lungs are preparing for her to take her first breath at birth, while her brain continues to grow rapidly. Red blood cells are now forming in her bone marrow, a job that was previously performed by tissue groups then the spleen, and she is able to see (even though it is dark inside my womb). The hair on her head is growing thicker at this point and she is now able to grasp, which is a seemingly simple reaction that newborn baby's do when grasping a finger.
Baby girl is the size of a pineapple for these next few weeks, over the next few weeks she will weigh approximately 2lbs 5ounces to 3lbs 7ounces and measure between 15 inches to 16.5 inches from the top of her beautiful head to her little toes.
Her lungs are preparing for her to take her first breath at birth, while her brain continues to grow rapidly. Red blood cells are now forming in her bone marrow, a job that was previously performed by tissue groups then the spleen, and she is able to see (even though it is dark inside my womb). The hair on her head is growing thicker at this point and she is now able to grasp, which is a seemingly simple reaction that newborn baby's do when grasping a finger.
MOMMA UPDATE
I am exhausted with anxiety, being pregnant after any loss is difficult but being pregnant after our losses (2 miscarriages and our stillbirth at 40 weeks) in someways feels unbearable. She is absolutely worth it but it is SO hard to relax and just enjoy pregnancy, and it is so hard to know when to mentally switch from we may have a baby to we are having a baby. Still at 30 weeks I get anxious buying things, things that she will need, because I am so terrified of loosing her. I know logically, I will be devastated to loose her, regardless of what we have bought for her just like how it didn't change how much it hurt to have to pack away our son's things or how my heart ached every time I would paw through his stuff, all brand new and waiting. It is just an irrational fear and once again I get so jealous of those naive parents to-be who believe (and for the most part live) that getting pregnant means getting a baby. I am also struggling with my lack of intuition, as far as my pregnancy has been concerned, I have been blessed to know that every worry and hospital visit was a false alarm but I get so scared thinking that what if this time something is wrong and I write it off thinking it is just my anxieties versus "intuition", but accepting that I virtually don't have an intuition and continuing just as I am (even if that means 8 more weeks of panicked hospital visits) is probably the best I can do with it. Otherwise I am feeling pretty good (especially about getting to THIRTY WEEKS PREGNANT!!!), trying to keep myself busy and distracted from all of this irrational worry with little projects for our sweet baby girl (headbands and baby book are keeping me busy at the moment) which helps. She is getting so strong and I love that I can feel her moving through out the day, if I get nervous I just lay down and do a quick kick count (or if I am really nervous I check her heartbeat on our doppler). We have had so much fun "playing" with her this week, as she is becoming more aware and able to react to things, it is so much fun to change the lighting (like taking the blanket off my belly or turning the lights on in the morning) and feeling her shuffle around or when she'll kick hard because her Daddy is talking to her. I had a couple bouts of nausea and heart burn (sometimes leading from the former, sometimes just because I was hungry) which I seem to be hungry more often lately, like I need to snack just to keep from getting hungry which isn't too terrible because I will happily please my cravings with a bowl of cereal or a glass of milk and also fill my hunger haha. I am still very sore and achey, sleep is becoming harder but I don't mind being up at 3am just to feel her kicking around (you know; after I go to the bathroom, grab a snack and crawl back into bed) I just absolutely adore her.
I am exhausted with anxiety, being pregnant after any loss is difficult but being pregnant after our losses (2 miscarriages and our stillbirth at 40 weeks) in someways feels unbearable. She is absolutely worth it but it is SO hard to relax and just enjoy pregnancy, and it is so hard to know when to mentally switch from we may have a baby to we are having a baby. Still at 30 weeks I get anxious buying things, things that she will need, because I am so terrified of loosing her. I know logically, I will be devastated to loose her, regardless of what we have bought for her just like how it didn't change how much it hurt to have to pack away our son's things or how my heart ached every time I would paw through his stuff, all brand new and waiting. It is just an irrational fear and once again I get so jealous of those naive parents to-be who believe (and for the most part live) that getting pregnant means getting a baby. I am also struggling with my lack of intuition, as far as my pregnancy has been concerned, I have been blessed to know that every worry and hospital visit was a false alarm but I get so scared thinking that what if this time something is wrong and I write it off thinking it is just my anxieties versus "intuition", but accepting that I virtually don't have an intuition and continuing just as I am (even if that means 8 more weeks of panicked hospital visits) is probably the best I can do with it. Otherwise I am feeling pretty good (especially about getting to THIRTY WEEKS PREGNANT!!!), trying to keep myself busy and distracted from all of this irrational worry with little projects for our sweet baby girl (headbands and baby book are keeping me busy at the moment) which helps. She is getting so strong and I love that I can feel her moving through out the day, if I get nervous I just lay down and do a quick kick count (or if I am really nervous I check her heartbeat on our doppler). We have had so much fun "playing" with her this week, as she is becoming more aware and able to react to things, it is so much fun to change the lighting (like taking the blanket off my belly or turning the lights on in the morning) and feeling her shuffle around or when she'll kick hard because her Daddy is talking to her. I had a couple bouts of nausea and heart burn (sometimes leading from the former, sometimes just because I was hungry) which I seem to be hungry more often lately, like I need to snack just to keep from getting hungry which isn't too terrible because I will happily please my cravings with a bowl of cereal or a glass of milk and also fill my hunger haha. I am still very sore and achey, sleep is becoming harder but I don't mind being up at 3am just to feel her kicking around (you know; after I go to the bathroom, grab a snack and crawl back into bed) I just absolutely adore her.
Measuring 44.5 inches
DADDY MOMENTS
While sitting on the couch one evening Daddy and baby girl we're "playing", she would push her feet out and when she would pull them back in Daddy would give my tummy a little poke where she had stretched out and she would of course push back. They "played" tag all over my belly and it was so much fun to feel her punch, kick and elbow her way around my belly chasing Daddy's little pokes.
While sitting on the couch one evening Daddy and baby girl we're "playing", she would push her feet out and when she would pull them back in Daddy would give my tummy a little poke where she had stretched out and she would of course push back. They "played" tag all over my belly and it was so much fun to feel her punch, kick and elbow her way around my belly chasing Daddy's little pokes.
FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Putting together her baby book, I am making it and love that our baby girl's book will be custom to her and the pages will only include things relevant to her and us.
Putting together her baby book, I am making it and love that our baby girl's book will be custom to her and the pages will only include things relevant to her and us.
LOOKING FORWARD TO
Our next ultrasound, okay honestly just like all the other ultrasounds there is a bit of anxiety going into it, but I just love seeing her and seeing how much she's grown. I love seeing her little heart beating away, practically brings me to tears every time and I love feeling her move AND seeing her move. I also like that we get to meet with perinatal immediately afterwards and although nerve wracking, I am looking forward to (hoping and praying) that we will get good news.
Our next ultrasound, okay honestly just like all the other ultrasounds there is a bit of anxiety going into it, but I just love seeing her and seeing how much she's grown. I love seeing her little heart beating away, practically brings me to tears every time and I love feeling her move AND seeing her move. I also like that we get to meet with perinatal immediately afterwards and although nerve wracking, I am looking forward to (hoping and praying) that we will get good news.
xo, Anne.
No comments:
Post a Comment