My Pregnancy Keepsake

If you haven't noticed I tend to often over-document things, the best example is my pregnancy with Lilly. I had waited so long and knew how quickly it could end, so from the very beginning I wanted to capture everything. But I also knew that I would want to have all those photos and journals put somewhere other than online here, but that was a much harder question to answer and I spent a LONG time thinking about what would be best for us, what could possibly corral ALL that information in one spot and have it not only look good but also be a decent size.

The answer: a photo book

But before I could start putting everything together I was still overwhelmed by so many questions; How big of a book? How could I make all that text fit nicely? What size font could I use without being too small? What about all those pictures every week? How would the pictures print? How could I make it look good? I also had a long debate between a few different companies but with a coupon for a free photobook from Shutterfly I decided to bite the bullet knowing that if I didn't like how it turned out I wouldn't have the guilt of wasting money. Speaking of Shutterfly coupons, sign up with for their newsletters on your email and follow them on Facebook, they always have a promo going on - sometimes it is free shipping, sometimes it is 40% off

The Shutterfly website is very user friendly, someone less tech savvy (or less picky haha) could easily take the Simple path where all you have to do is arrange photos and add your text into the boxes. I chose to do the Custom path because I knew right away that there wouldn't be something readily available for the amount of stuff I needed to pack into this book (also because I am crazy picky and love graphic design). Still it was really easy and after a few hours, mostly spent collecting all the stuff that I wanted included, I was ready to order.

But lets talk details a little bit because I had a really hard time figuring out how the font sizes or photo sizes would translate to print. So I started with the 8x8 hard cover photo book, I figured if I could fit everything in nicely it would be a great size to sit on our shelf or have on the coffee table (spoiler alert, everything fit great!). I used the font Backtalk (regular) size 10 for all of the journal, it is easy to read and considering the amount of stuff we included it looks so good!

I started with our "bump dates" since those would be the bulk of the book (34 total from 5 weeks to 38 weeks pregnant) and because I went with the Custom path I was able to play with the layout until I got it just right then I used the duplicate option from the Pages drop down menu. This way all the information would fit but having the same layout would highlight the big change in pictures as my belly grew page by page.


Then I had a few special pages I wanted to include in our book; like my three trimester summary right up at the front where all the little things like cravings and symptoms to milestones and weight gain are all in one place and one of my favorite pages where (almost) all of our favorite ultrasound pictures are side by side and it is so fun to see how much she changed and grew with each one.

and all of our maternity photos, where we celebrated our little daughter and threw all of the concerns that popped up during our anatomy scan to the wind.

Saving the best for last, a perfect ending to my pregnancy book - our beautiful baby girl's birth story (complete with all sorts of ooey gooey lovey dovey).

Ahh.. I just love it! It is such a wonderful book to flip through and I cannot believe I actually fit everything in it. I love being able to sit down and see all the photos and read my own words as we celebrated each week of my pregnancy. As far as the big debate on quality - I think it is pretty great, the photos are clear and the pages are sturdy. This is the one that got me addicted to Shutterfly photo books. I even went and put together a keepsake book for my pregnancy with Gabriel, which makes it kind of nice to see my two kids books right beside each other.

So are you a fan of photo books?


See you next week!
xo, Anne

Celebrating & Making Memories

Before I dive into this post I want to first apologize because my mind feels rambled and I don't know if that will reflect in this post but I hope not.

I think we often fall into this thought process that if we don't get attached, if we don't do things to celebrate and remember, if we don't get excited then it won't hurt if something devastating happens. Logically it sort of makes sense; if there are no pictures I won't be reminded, if there were no journals I would never be able to recall how I felt at that moment. But the reality of loss is that it hurts no matter what, the world is upside down and whether or not you have a couple sleepers to (eventually) pack away isn't going to make it easier or worse. Your baby isn't with you, nothing is going to make that worse to face.

When I was pregnant with Lillith I did a weekly pregnancy journal, taking photos and writing about the week and how I was feeling. Every week I fought back those same feelings - the nasty what if?. I took maternity photos shortly after finding out that our miracle was a little girl, despite the worries of the ultrasound or the uncertainty that comes from loosing our precious son. It was my way of celebrating now, celebrating my round belly and the love we already had for our little girl. It was my way of telling those thoughts that loom in the dark corners of my mind that right at that moment they had no power over me, a big proverbial screw you.

It's not that I didn't struggle with it, heck I still do, trying to balance happiness and daily life with the awareness that tomorrow cannot be guaranteed - for anyone really. But it is always there and because of that, and honestly because time moves so incredibly fast, I capture every moment I can, I soak in every day because it is all I can do in this mortal life.

During my pregnancy with our son I took monthly photos, I didn't journal as much - although I did do some, and my photos weren't nearly as extensive as they were when I was pregnant with Lilly. I am still so grateful and I have enjoyed comparing my belly from one pregnancy to the other, being able to read some of the differences between our sweet boy in heaven and our miracle daughter. I also love that I have a handful of similar photos of both our children, that I can look at their tiny newborn faces and see how they look alike and how they are different.

As parents of baby's in heaven, all we really want is for our children to be recognized and remembered, I have always been so grateful to those that say his name or don't shy away when I talk about both of my children. Having these photos, being able to have things that were just his, making a journal for both of my pregnancies helps me remember that I will always be a mother of two. He was real, he was here and this isn't a dark secret to be hidden away but a son, a sibling, to be celebrated and remembered just as those on earth.

This is a mess, I'm sorry for that, and I wanted to share more but I fear this is becoming too much and I will have to save that for another day.

xo, Anne. 

3 Trimesters

1st TRIMESTER
START BUMP MEASUREMENT: 34 inches

SYMPTOMS: all day nausea, stretching/cramping, exhaustion, mood swings.
CRAVING: milk, anything with melted cheese & sweets, especially fruit.
AVERSIONS: Chinese food and mushroom soup (two that I loved very much pre-pregnancy), poutines (at first, I craved them but since mid 1st trimester, the thought makes me incredibly nauseous) coffee and some seafood (neither of which I liked before but the smell never bothered me until now)
MILESTONES: finding out with Dyl, sharing the news with our families, seeing our healthy baby at 8wks, hearing the heartbeat at 9wks.

2nd TRIMESTER
START BUMP MEASUREMENT: 37.5 inches

SYMPTOMS: hip and lower back pain, round ligament pain, stuffy/runny nose, emotional
CRAVINGS: olives, cottage cheese, chocolate, hot chocolate, sweets, milk
AVERSIONS: still poutines and mushroom soup
MILESTONES: making it to the second trimester, feeling movement, daddy feels movement, finding out our baby is a girl!, reaching and passing viability.

3rd TRIMESTER
START BUMP MEASUREMENT: 43inches

SYMPTOMS: Round ligament pains, aches, stuffy nose
CRAVINGS: Cereal with milk, milk, peanut butter granola bars and fruit
AVERSIONS: still poutines, mint

MILESTONES: scheduling our c-section, making the third trimester, 30 weeks, making it to full term, holding our baby girl!

END MEASUREMENTS

BUMP: 49 inches, 15 inches total

WEIGHT: 40lbs total

xo, Anne

Top 5 Pregnancy Needs

If I were to go through my pregnancy again I would have probably given into maternity clothes sooner or maybe opted for a true pregnancy pillow. But when it comes to my pregnancy there were a handful of things that I couldn't have survived without and that definitely helped me relax and enjoy my pregnancy. I had a very high risk pregnancy, ugly history of loss and was on some sort of bed rest the entire time, although it was absolutely worth it and I would gladly do it all over again just to have her in my arms - sometimes it was really hard. These are my top five life savers, or at least sanity savers.

1. My amazing husband, from listening to my every worry to bonding with our baby girl long before she was born. Many worried trips to the hospital and lots of prayers - I could not have survived without the understanding, support and love from my husband.

Check out my weekly photo project here

2. A pregnancy project, I did a pretty big one consisting of three different photos every week and a big update but I love being able to look back and remember how I felt at 9 weeks or what we were doing at 32 weeks. I can't count the number of days I spent scared out of my mind but this project helped me focus on the positive and the right here and now. For a little moment each week I focused on being pregnant today and stopped focusing on those terrible "what ifs".

3. My doppler, this is very much the kind of item that you need to decide what is best for your family. For me it was a life saver, I got mine here for $50 and they've since released newer versions but even my basic one was great. I spoke with my ob several times and he was very supportive of my use of our doppler but I still tried to limit it to a need basis. Sometimes that was often and other times I could get through a few days, but because of the loss of our son - I was on edge from beginning to end, this was my little bit of sanity. Without having to run to my ob or the hospital every day, if I was scared all it took was 30 seconds to find her heartbeat and time it, pretty quick form of relief.

Check out their channels: Missy Lanning and Heidi Kim

4. Netflix/YouTube, both were great ways to spend my days on bed rest. I could load up a show or movie on Netflix and keep my mind away from the worries but I especially loved having the YouTube community as a mom pregnant after loss. I can't even count the number of times I watched Missy and Heidi, telling myself that they did it - they went through losses like mine and have their rainbows, it was possible. I found so much hope through their stories :)

Keep your eyes out for a review on my favorite pregnancy/baby apps in the near future!

5. Some sort of pregnancy app, specifically one with a forum. Not only was it great to be able to read and track what was going on while pregnant, being in community of women (and some men) expecting baby's in the same month as you was a great experience for me. From finding support from the other women to seeing just how 'normal' I really am despite the high worries. By the time I delivered Lilly I was involved in a handful of other communities with likeminded women; like crafting and c-section mommas for example.

I also want to throw in having an incredible obstetrician, he has followed us from the very beginning of our journey to baby number two, having our ob so supportive and so understanding of my history and how I am - was amazing, I'm very lucky.

Anywho, these things are definitely individually based, very much a this is what worked for me but when you're going into the stress of high risk pregnancy or pregnancy after loss - it is kind of nice to hear about what worked for others.

xo, Anne

No Nursery Yet?

As project nursery commences both in real life and on the blog some may wonder why we are just starting now, I mean our daughter is four months old after all and considering it is common practice for moms to prepare the nursery while pregnant (most starting shortly after the big 20 week ultrasound), by those standards I'm getting at this pretty late in the game. Although it is far from unheard of, there is a much smaller group of parents that forgo the nursery preparations until after the baby is born - similarly to those who skip the baby shower for a meet & greet upon baby's arrival.

When I was pregnant with Lilly I would get excited to buy things, to get ready for her but then the "what if" reel would play on in my mind. It was so bad that almost every time we would buy something I was terrified that we'd loose her. Even if I heard her heartbeat that morning, saw her on ultrasound the day before or felt her kicking right there. I was so scared, as if buying an outfit would somehow decide whether or not my body could carry this pregnancy. It made no sense but I could only see preparing the nursery as a bad experience while pregnant and I deserved to enjoy my pregnancy - and every bit of it that I could.

I know that my anxiety with her nursery (among other things) stemmed from our history, once you've lost a child things change. We lost our son at forty weeks pregnant, the day after his due date, his nursery was done when we left to go to the hospital that morning. But instead of the happy homecoming I envisioned, his bright blue room sat empty, dark and silent for months until we packed everything away. I know there are angel moms who yearn for that, just to have something tangible that proves their baby was here, I don't regret that (this is quickly turning into a whole other post) but for the sake of my sanity I was glad to hold off on the nursery.

Also between our renovations and being on some level of bed rest my entire pregnancy, it kind of forced me to stay out of the nursery and I love that I am now able to enjoy it, I am able to participate in preparing her nursery and I have already tweaked our nursery plans to include things that make her happy - which I would be reluctant to do, the way that I'm doing it, if we had already finished her nursery.

I can't wait to start painting, sewing and get this little lady's room done!

xo, Anne

Project Nursery { planning }

With how well our sweet Lilly is growing, it is very clear that the days of her sleeping in her bassinet are numbered and she will need to be transferred into her crib very soon. With that quickly approaching we're officially kicking off project nursery!

While we were trying to conceive and throughout our pregnancy I had a lot of time to day dream of our someday nursery and while there are a lot of things that stuck, there are a lot of things that have changed too. Especially with Lilly here, I've started to include things that she likes and I LOVE that because even though she's so young she has a say in her room! 

Here are the rough plans and ideas for our baby Lilly's nursery.

 All of our nursery furniture is white, which I love, and I think that our all white furniture will make a great base to add pops of soft pink and minty-teal through accessories, paint and what feels like a million sewing/DIY projects that I am hoping to pull off.

While the color combination is far from unique I am looking forward to finding ways to customize her room and like that you can't just go to the store and get the exact same nursery set (though there is nothing wrong with that, just isn't my thing)

I would like to include:

- an accent wall, more than likely with pink stripes, behind the crib.

- create extra seating that doubles as toy storage. 

- a gallery wall featuring things like; maternity photos, a shadow box, her little prints, newborn photos, ultrasounds, meaningful quotes, a pretty mirror ect. (but some of these things may find their place elsewhere)

- a TON of storage by using the bench/bookshelves for her toys and books, having a change table with shelves for storing bath/diaper changing supplies and maximizing both the closet space and the space under the crib for additional storage of clothing/diapers/ect.

I seriously can't wait to start putting things together and see our baby girl's nursery go from ideas and day dreams to ready for her to move into. 

xo, Anne.

38 Weeks

THIS WEEK
I am 38 weeks pregnant, only days left until this beautiful girl is in our arms. This is the last chalkboard I will draw, the last full weekly post I will write. I can't believe that over thirty weeks ago I did my first one and I am so happy I stuck to this project, weekly was definitely harder than I thought but so worth it to see how much my belly grew - I can't get over how "big" I thought I was at 9 weeks haha. This week was a busy one, after the L&D visit at the end of last week I've been madly preparing our bag and car seat, just a few last things. I had my last ultrasound with perinatal which went great and not only is our sweet baby girl measuring approximately 7lbs6oz but she also managed to turn out of her breach position and into a heads down position - which insinuated a lot of debate as to if I could now deliver naturally versus having a c-section. I also had an ob appointment the next day, we mostly discussed my upcoming c-section, the plan still remains the same and for the most part I'm okay with that. I just can't wait to be holding this little miracle.

BABY UPDATE
Baby is the length of a stalk of celery...

MOMMA UPDATE
Getting a little anxious and very emotional as our delivery quickly approaches, I can't wait to meet this beautiful baby girl but I know this pregnancy will soon end and I'm going to miss it. I'm sad that I wasnt able to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I would have liked, I spent so many tired days scared out of my mind, but I know that is just what comes with having gone through what we have in the past - I know I appreciated every step of the way, as long as she was okay I was. Trying to frantically get everything ready before my delivery, which has been stressful. I'm still doing my twice daily kick counts and she moves so much lately, definitely reassuring that she is okay. I've been very sore all over but seem to be sleeping not too terribly this week. No new cravings but have been loving oranges and raisin bread - so yummy.

Measuring 49 inches!

DADDY MOMENTS
Daddy has been working hard every day to get our renovations done before baby girl is born. It has been stressful and it is a lot of hard work, everything might not be 100% finished before we come home but we should still be settling into our place. So proud of all his hard work & all of the extra care he has given me during this pregnancy, I have not enjoyed the restrictions or the worries but he has been supportive and right beside me the whole way - I am so lucky.

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Being told by my ob that it is very likely Daddy will get to stay overnight with us during our hospital stay.

LOOKING FORWARD TO
Holding our baby girl! Only a few days left, it feels like a dream sometimes that this little miracle that we have been waiting so long for is about to be here. We can't wait.

xo, Anne

37 Weeks

THIS WEEK
I am thirty seven weeks pregnant, we've made it to what is typically considered full term and aside from the fact that my ob (& us) would rather I make it to my scheduled c-section & avoid a emergency c-section, the worries of going into preterm labor are over & I am so glad that our beautiful little girl has stayed safely growing within me these last few weeks - heck these last 37 weeks. We ended the week with a panicked trip L&D, after a horrible attempt to go bathroom I swelled terribly and started spotting red, while I hoped it was natural swelling and the spotting was just an irritated cervix, I was terrified and worried something was wrong. So off to the hospital we went, we got there quickly and in hindsight it was kind of good to have the test run just incase this little girl decides to come before schedule. Thankfully, it was just normal swelling which had already gone down by the time I was checked and I was not in any bit of labor although I do have a cyst that must've been incredibly irritated to cause the spotting. But no change in my cervix, although very irritated now and I didnt rupture my waters so we were sent home with Lillith safe and sound in my belly.

BABY UPDATE
Baby is the length of a stalk of celery these last few weeks, also commonly the weight of a watermelon but we're using celery since watermelon is very out of season here.

...

MOMMA UPDATE
Still very emotional, but also starting to feel like this is actually going to happen - we're going to have a baby! "Pregnancy brain" ie forgetfulness seems to have shut down my otherwise good memory, I'm forgetting what I'm talking about mid sentence now and it is driving me crazy! I'm not sure if it is just how it happened, if it is because our bedroom during the madness of renovations is now across a small hallway from a bathroom as opposed to up a flight of stairs or if I am just not resting as much as I used to during the day (I'm not) but I've been sleeping relatively well this past week. Waking up to go bathroom and have a snack because I wake up starving, is still twice nightly at least but I seem to fall asleep quickly compared to my usual toss and turn. Charlie horses seem to be a near nightly thing though, which end up waking me up abruptly and send Dylan into a panic :( Still having a lot of pains but I try to pay attention to what may be causing them and do what I can to alleviate it. Cravings this week were dried mango (seriously it is like candy!), chocolate milk, toaster strudels and my mom's cabbage rolls. Can't believe this is one of the last chalkboards I will draw and one of the last weekly posts I will write about my pregnancy - soon she will be here and we can't wait!

Measuring 49 inches! 

DADDY MOMENTS
Daddy is working so hard to finish our renovations, he's doing most of the work himself and doing such a good job, we cannot wait to settle into our place and get ready for our little girl's arrival.

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Possibly going to the dentist, I haven't been since before my pregnancy and they had forgotten to schedule me until my dad reminded them this week when he went. I know that proper dental care is important especially during pregnancy and it was nice to squeeze my appointment in before this baby girl is born.

LOOKING FORWARD TO
My final week (and a bit) of pregnancy, I'm trying to soak up every kick and hiccup - I want to remember how this feels forever, to have something so precious growing within me. I can't wait for the day we meet her and it is coming up quickly.

xo, Anne

36 Weeks

THIS WEEK
I'm 36 weeks pregnant and I know I say this every week but I just can't believe how close we are to meeting this baby girl! This week was busy; we had an appointment with my ob, which we talked about the preterm labor worries of last week and my upcoming c-section. I also had another ultrasound with MFM, it was a good ultrasound and we got to see our beautiful little girl practice breathing and sucking (so cute!) Lillith weighs an estimated 6lbs 2oz which blows me away that (although ultrasound measurements are only an estimate) she weighs more than her brother did at his due date. Which we are so grateful for her good weight since she is coming early and the two vessel cord is typically associated with growth restrictions. Everything is looking good, which is a HUGE relief and we are so blessed and so very thankful that our baby girl is growing healthy and strong. I'm scheduled for my last ultrasound next week, due to my history and the high risk nature of our pregnancy they just want to keep a close eye on us and I am perfectly okay with that.

BABY UPDATE

Baby girl is the size of a cantaloupe for the last time; weighing anywhere between 4.2lbs - 5.7lbs and measuring from the top of her head to the tips of her toes anywhere from 17 inches to 18.5 inches.

Our baby girl is sleeping around 90 percent of the time, although we will still be feeling regular movements despite her quickly running out of room. Her cheeks are developing fat and muscles which create that adorable chubby appearance. Even though her gums may appear to have ridges already that look a bit like teeth, the real ones won't make their appearance until about four to five months after birth.

MOMMA UPDATE
Another heavily emotional week, although we are so very close I am still so terrified to loose her since I carried our son complication free for 40wks it is hard to quiet the what ifs and I've been doing a lot of praying to help alleviate these fears. I've been in all sorts of pain this week, if it isn't my hips it's round ligament pain and if it isn't my back it's the mysterious sharp pains from our L&D visit which definitely makes me nervous but I've been trying to keep an eye on things and not worry too much. Still continuing on bed rest, which makes me very restless as my nesting has kicked into high gear but I'm trying to stay focused on little projects and things that I can do without overdoing it. Since my L&D visit I've been doing twice daily kick counts (counting 6 movements in a maximum of 2 hours) as per their orders and it is still one of those things that stress me out during the count (even if our baby girl typically finishes in 6 minutes) but it also brings a sense of relied that she is doing okay :) I've had a few days of bad heartburn and charlie horses, and I feel like I'm going to the washroom ALL the time. I've also been battling some third trimester insomnia, some nights I just can't sleep while others are spent tossing and turning in pain. I know I won't sleep much with a newborn but I can't help but think I'll sleep a little better compared to lately. Doesn't matter, she's already my favorite reason to loose sleep.

Measuring 48 inches!

DADDY MOMENTS
Daddy is officially on vacation now and working so hard to get our renovations done and out of the way so we can really get ready for our baby girl.

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Aside from a great ultrasound, Daddy officialy starting his vacation has been so exciting! It is a very real sign that in a few weeks she will be here and we can't wait!

LOOKING FORWARD TO
As the mad dash to finish our renovations begins I am so looking forward to starting on our nursery and (really) taking things off our to do list.

xo, Anne

35 Weeks

THIS WEEK
I am 35 weeks pregnant, if I were going to our due date there would be 35 days left but for us we're looking at 25 days until our delivery. Or sooner, let me explain, this week has been "eventful" as I started having these dull aches and they would last longer than I would like but they would eventually go away however at 34weeks 4days those dull aches became sharp and no amount of water or laying down would ease them, although they would come and go which was comforting as it was different from my abruption - I was starting to feel very worried so when Daddy came home we headed to L&D. We were soon hooked up to an nst and although it showed minimal to no contractions, the doctor assured we did the right thing by coming in and wanted to rule out preterm labor. When she checked my cervix I was dilated between 1-2cm and 'shorter than usual' and although this could be normal progression to labor as this isn't my first pregnancy she wanted to make sure that the pains I was experiencing weren't changing my cervix. Four long and uncomfortable hours after we had arrived I was discharged, my cervix hadn't changed and although they couldn't completely rule out preterm labor I did appear to not be in active labor and with how close we live to the hospital she reviewed when to come back (or even if I am just worried) and ordered I take it easy, reducing my activity level to zero for the next few weeks to try and get to 37 weeks without changes to my cervix just incase. Although I know we are nearly to full term and baby girl is developed enough that she would be okay coming early, it was so scary and nerve wracking as we waited between cervix checks wondering if we would possibly have our baby girl that night. Thankfully not and I am going to spend the next few weeks doing as much as I can to keep her growing healthy and strong inside. Just a few more weeks Lillith, mommy & daddy can't wait to meet you but as long as you're safer inside - stay there :)

BABY UPDATE

Baby girl is the size of a cantaloupe over these next few weeks; weighing anywhere between 4.2lbs - 5.7lbs and measuring from the top of her head to the tips of her toes anywhere from 17 inches to 18.5 inches. 

Our baby girl is entering a stage of rapid growth and weight gain, over these next few weeks she will gain anywhere from a pound to several however by now she should have reached her height limit while in my belly. At about the halfway mark of my pregnancy her weight was only 2% body fat but by now that percentage has soared to 15% and will likely reach 30% at term.

MOMMA UPDATE
I am so relieved that we are home and baby girl is growing safely within me, this week was very stressful and I am just trying to adjust my restlessness to accommodate bed rest. I have been so sore this week, as I mentioned above, and those sharp pains still make me nervous but I'm trying to just take it easy. With the preterm labor scare we are feeling a little more pressure to get ready, just incase, I was so frustrated that my nearly packed hospital bag was sitting at home while we were at the hospital wondering if we were going to have our baby girl that night. Needless to say, it put our butts in gear (or at least mine as I've been fighting the nesting urges for weeks already) to just get it done. I am still fighting off that sinus cold from the end of last week, seems to be at the end of the cold and I am hoping I don't get it for a third time (and that it is done making it's rounds through our house). I'm officially back to doing kick counts, the timed on paper ones, not the idly noting 6 movements but twice a day I have been ordered to have a snack, lay down and time 6 movements in at least two hours which shouldn't be a problem for our strong little miracle. Which her movements continue to get stronger everyday it seems, sometimes I'm completely surprised by her strength and while she remains in her breach position she seems to like to put her little feet into my ribs and I can't believe she is big enough to do that!

Measuring 47.5 inches

DADDY MOMENTS
Taking me to the hospital at a moments notice, even if it were just to ease my worries. I also still, absolutely love seeing the bond Daddy and Lillith already have as he talks to her and she kicks and rolls about.

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Does not being in active preterm labor count?

LOOKING FORWARD TO
Seeing my obstetrician this week, although now we have more to discuss than my upcoming c-section.

xo, Anne.

34 Weeks

THIS WEEK
Happy New Years! I can't believe it is 2014, January 2014 - the year, the month that this beautiful little girl will be in our arms. This week I am 34 weeks pregnant and I seriously can't get over how close we are to meeting this little girl. The holidays are finally behind us and it is such a relief to put our focus back on getting ready for our baby girl! We rocked our usual busy Christmas,  bouncing from house to house so we could see everyone and exchange gifts. It seems crazy, even more so being this far along but I love getting to see our families even if it is spread across a few houses, I know we are so lucky to be able to spend the holidays with everyone. Lillith isn't even here yet and she was showered with all these adorable gifts this year, we are so blessed to have so much love surrounding our little girl! I am also so excited for next Christmas with a nearly 1 year old little girl, it is so hard to believe that this little miracle in my belly will be almost one years old by next Christmas!

BABY UPDATE

Baby girl is the size of a cantaloupe over these next few weeks; weighing anywhere between 4.2lbs - 5.7lbs and measuring from the top of her head to the tips of her toes anywhere from 17 inches to 18.5 inches. 

Our baby girl's immune system no longer relies on the antibodies from the placenta, this is an important development as this self-immunity will protect her after birth and for the rest of her life. Her digestive system is fully working on its own now and the vernix (the thick white layer that protected her skin during her time in my belly) is beginning to disappear.

MOMMA UPDATE
I will admit, despite all efforts and trying to keep this year as simple for me as possible, I managed to get myself stressed out over the holidays but everything was fine. I'm physically feeling the third trimester, sleep is getting harder and my body is stretched so far that even doing the things that used to give me some comfort now hurt. I'm constantly switching from side to side just to get a little relief, my round ligament pain is unbelievable and there was one night this week I spent in a panic because the pain (although it soon faded) was so strong and so sharp - thankfully that hasn't happened again and I hope it doesn't, if just for my sanity. I've also been experiencing charlie horses in the morning and some pretty aggressive heartburn again which haven't been too pleasant. I have been dreaming of turkey dinner for weeks now and enjoyed every bite of mashed potatoes and gravy, turkey and cranberry sauce with our families.. just so good. This week I also craved an A&W root beer, which Daddy fulfilled, I'm so lucky :) Our little girl is so strong, she is constantly moving and rolling around, she also seems to get hiccups at least twice a day and I cannot get enough of her. As this week came to an end I also am fighting another cold, it feels much more mild than the one I was fighting earlier this month and hoping I can kick it quickly because I hate being sick.

Measuring 47 inches

DADDY MOMENTS
Feeling you kick and chase Daddy's hand all over my belly, the two of you already have such a beautiful bond and I love to watch you two play.

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Celebrating my birthday, I turned 24 this week and I loved snuggling up with Daddy after cake and presents with our families and feeling our little miracle kick around while Daddy painted my toe nails pink and took me to get my hair cut the next day :)

LOOKING FORWARD TO
With the madness of the holidays behind us I'm looking forward to the new year and being even closer to meeting our baby girl.

xo, Anne.

33 Weeks

THIS WEEK
I'm thirty-three weeks pregnant this week and can't believe how close we are getting now! We had an ultrasound this week with maternal fetal medicine and baby girl is looking great, she is weighing 4lbs 4oz now and has moved into the traditional breach position opposed to the frank breach position she was in at 31 weeks. We got to see her adorable little face and chubby little cheeks, we can't get over how cute she is and cannot wait to see her here. We are also so happy and relieved that the worries we had earlier in our pregnancy seem to either be a non-issue (as her two vessel umbilical cord isn't causing any problems with her growth, heart and kidneys) or have resolved over the weeks (as her echogenic bowels seem to be resolved). We are so blessed and thankful to the Lord for keeping our sweet little girl healthy and growing strong. This week Daddy officially booked off the three weeks leading up to our baby girl's birth and we are in the process of preparing for him to take his parental leave (since I don't work and we are so lucky to have such an opportunity). I just can't get over how close we are to having her here with us!

BABY UPDATE
Baby girl is the size of a cantaloupe over these next few weeks; weighing anywhere between 4.2lbs - 5.7lbs and measuring from the top of her head to the tips of her toes anywhere from 17 inches to 18.5 inches.

Although her bones continue to harden, her skull is still not solid and the skull bones have not fused together. This is to allow her to pass through the birth canal with as small a head diameter as possible. Her brain is developing more distinct functions and is now capable of controlling breathing, temperature and digestive functions. This week her lungs are almost completely ready for breathing on their own.

MOMMA UPDATE
I've been feeling emotional and anxious this week, between the horrible weather we've been having and the quickly approaching holidays which have been so different than what I'm used to - I've just been having a more emotional week. I love the holidays but this year with the reduced activity and getting ready for our baby girl it has been so hard to focus on the holidays, my mind is just so preoccupied with getting ready for our little girl, I am still enjoying it and I'll find ways to get my hands in it this year but I am already looking forward to next year and celebrating with her here! This week my teeth have been causing some problems, they are terribly sensitive and although bleeding gums are common during pregnancy (& one of the first symptoms that made me wonder what if? all those weeks ago) it seems to have picked up a fair bit more. I have been so sore this week, I'm definitely feeling the third trimester and just having my body so stretched - but it is completely worth it. I've also been experiencing restless leg syndrome, I have had varicose veins down my legs since 1 year postpartum with our son but since the very beginning of this pregnancy they have gotten worse and with that I would occasionally get restless leg syndrome but this week it has gotten terrible. This week I have been on a cheese whiz binge, it has been my go to snack on toast almost every day, that and bananas - which makes me giggle every time because my Mom when she was pregnant with me she craved bananas.

Measuring 46.5 inches

DADDY MOMENTS
Daddy is such an amazing support, I have been so stressed out this last week and to have Daddy there to sort through my anxieties has been incredible - we're so lucky.

LOOKING FORWARD TO
I may sound like the Grinch but I'm kind of looking forward to having the holidays behind us.

xo, Anne.

32 Weeks

THIS WEEK
We had an appointment with my obstetrician and left with some very exciting news... we are scheduled for a c-section (I'll go into more detail in another post) for January 30th! I just cannot believe we are almost there and in only a few weeks we will be holding our beautiful little girl. We also reviewed our last ultrasound and along with the knowledge that we're having a "big" baby (YAY! grow baby girl, grow!) he also told us that her echogenic bowels appear to have cleared up but we will still continue with follow up ultrasounds.

BABY UPDATE
Baby girl is the size of a pineapple for the last time! Weighing anywhere from 2lbs 5oz to 3lbs 7oz and measuring between 15 inches and 16.5 inches long from her beautiful head to her tiny little toes.

As our baby girl grows, space is becoming limited (although still comfortable for her) and movement may change - she is also sleeping in 20-40 minute periods as she prepares for her delivery which will also contribute to the change in her movements. At this stage baby's will usually get into their preferred position,  if they haven't already, which for most is head down although approximately 5% prefer being head up (breach position, like our little girl). Although still receiving nutrition through the umbilical cord, her digestive system is ready for when she is ingesting breast milk (and eventually soft food in the months ahead).

MOMMA UPDATE
I've been an excited but emotional mess since my appointment, it is just such a surreal feeling to know that in a few weeks we'll have her here safely. I have had horrible heartburn this week, which put the heartburn I had earlier in this pregnancy to shame. I've been desperately trying to fight a chest cold this week, lots of soup and juice but I finally think I'm past it. Still very sore and achey, I hate how much it worries me still but I'm getting better at figuring out what is causing it and have been able to avoid a hospital visit. I've been feeling so many big movements and it is such a great feeling to know our beautiful (and strong) little girl is moving around safe and sound.

Measuring at 46inches

DADDY MOMENTS
Along with singing, reading and talking away to you he has also been blowing on my belly (raspberries?). It didn't seem to get much of a reaction from you before but this week Daddy seems to have startled you a few times, we can feel such a big movement right afterwards and can only imagine you being startled. It is adorable and we love you so much. We know you'll adore getting startled by Daddy when you're here (each of your cousins have always thought it was great)

BEST PART OF THE WEEK
Realizing as we scheduled your delivery that we were also picking your birthday baby girl.

LOOKING FORWARD TO
Finishing up our renovations, everything is kind of on hold with the holidays but we can't wait to be settled and really start nesting.

xo, Anne.

31 Weeks

THIS WEEK
I am thirty-one weeks pregnant and I can't believe it, I am so blessed. We had another ultrasound with maternal fetal medicine this week and although always worrisome, I wasn't nearly as anxious about it as I have been in the past. It was a very good ultrasound, the tech was so nice and our beautiful little girl has moved into a breach position where she is bent over her long legs which explains the strong movements I've gotten so used to feeling. She refused to look up which stinks because I love seeing her little face even if it is just an ultrasound for now, but the tech showed us all of the hair our beautiful little girl already has! Momma has got to get started on some headbands and bows for our little girl. They also waited for her to practice "breathing" but baby's at this stage only do that 30% of the day we didn't catch it so they hooked us up for an nst (non-stress test, which tracks baby's heart beat and movements, watching for the heart beat to accelerate when she moves just as it does when she breathes - also tracks contractions) which she did wonderfully as usual. We met with the perinatologist who was so reassuring and comforting, she said the ultrasound looked great and our baby girl is measuring 3lbs 10ounces which is a full pound up from a month ago, grow baby girl grow! We're scheduled for our next ultrasound in two weeks and I can't wait to see our baby girl again.

BABY UPDATE
Baby girl is the size of a pineapple for these next few weeks, over the next few weeks she will weigh approximately 2lbs 5ounces to 3lbs 7ounces and measure between 15 inches to 16.5 inches from the top of her beautiful head to her little toes.

Her brain is working overtime as it develops faster than ever, connections between individual nerve celes are growing and our baby girl can now perceive information from all five of her senses (although she will only experience smell after birth, mom and dad being among the first smells she will experience). Our baby girl is also busy making faces which we've seen on ultrasound, swallowing, breathing, sucking her thumb, moving her hands and feet all over and hiccuping, which is another way that she can practice breathing, which I have been feeling for weeks now.

MOMMA UPDATE
I have been feeling pretty good - although one again very emotional. I am starting to feel very clumsy lately I even tripped this week (although caught myself) but I am being extra careful to avoid an accident. Acid reflux is coming more frequently this week which tends to bring some nausea with it, but I've been managing with frequent little snacks just as I did before. This week I've been craving chocolate chip pancakes like crazy and have thoroughly enjoyed having them at home (thanks to my wonderful husband! I'm so lucky). My belly button is out and with my growing belly I am officially leaning forward in a sad little attempt to pee because otherwise I am back in the bathroom right away. I don't know if it is solely because of our baby girl's breach position but she seems very fond of bouncing on/hitting my bladder/cervix, this week I ended up peeing myself (just the tiniest bit thankfully) after a particularly hard hit - which made me panic that I was leaking amniotic fluid, I managed to calm myself down. Our city was hit with a very bad blizzard this week, we were snowed in for a few days and it definitely instilled a lot of extra stress because I couldn't get out - for all the mom's (myself included, I was mid 2nd to 3rd trimester with our son) who dislike being so pregnant in summer, it still beats the anxiety of being snowed in or traveling icey roads this far along and this close to delivery. Despite all protests and all efforts, not to mention since I am on reduced activity that I don't leave the house much, I caught a little cold and am doing everything to fight it off before it gets worse (just a sore throat at this point).

Measuring 45.5 inches!

DADDY MOMENTS
Making fresh chocolate chip pancakes for this momma, they were amazing and everything I was craving, and baby girl kicked up a storm!

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Our ultrasound, I am not desensitized one bit and despite how often we have ultrasounds - I absolutely love them. This appointment was particularly good and I left feeling so good! Plus it was the first day we were able to get out after the blizzard so that brought some relief too.

LOOKING FORWARD TO
My maternity photos, with the snow here (although I am waiting for it to calm down and warm up a bit) I am so excited to take our pictures soon.

xo, Anne.

30 Weeks

THIS WEEK
It is absolutely unbelievable that we are thirty weeks pregnant, I am 10 weeks away from our due date (although we won't get to our due date, we're looking at 8 weeks at the most) still unbelievable. This week I had an appointment with my obstetrician, I ended up leaving a little nervous but I think I am just reading into things a little too much. I passed my gestational diabetes test (with our son I barely failed the 1hour and had to go back for the 3hour which I passed) I am also not anemic which was a worry since I was during my pregnancy with our son and ultimately aas grateful for the higher iron intake after loosing so much blood during delivery - just goes to show how different two pregnancies can be. I am measuring on track as far as belly measurements go, despite the fact that she is measuring ahead, she is not head down but no one is worried about that. As for the ultrasound, he says it is very reassuring and everything looks good, I asked about our delivery and because of our history the threshold for him to deliver her early is very small but he also said that he would like to go to 37-38 weeks. Having that extra week is both terrifying and comforting; while 37 weeks is commonly considered "full term" there is still so much growth that needs to happen in those last 3 weeks and although her safety is the number one priority - meaning, if she is safer out of me than in, I'll take it - every day she spends safely growing within me is better. It is comforting to think that my ob, despite knowing our history and the concerns surrounding this pregnancy, that he feels comfortable with the idea of letting me go to 38 weeks. However, the possibility of going to 38 weeks also means that I have to survive another week, we are so close to meeting this baby girl and I am still so absolutely terrified to loose her that it scares me to think I have to manage the stress and anxiety for another week - but we've gotten this far, I've managed, and I pray that our baby girl will continue to grow safe and healthy for the next 8 weeks until she is safe and screaming in my arms. I am jealous of the naive women who hope for early inductions (medically or naturally..) just because they are uncomfortable, or think it is more convenient than waiting to go into labor naturally, I wish my concerns of making it to the due date were that simple and naive. But ranting aside, I just pray I will continue to carry our baby girl safely until she is born, I can't wait to meet her and get to know her, I can't wait to watch her grow up.

BABY UPDATE
Baby girl is the size of a pineapple for these next few weeks, over the next few weeks she will weigh approximately 2lbs 5ounces to 3lbs 7ounces and measure between 15 inches to 16.5 inches from the top of her beautiful head to her little toes.

Her lungs are preparing for her to take her first breath at birth, while her brain continues to grow rapidly. Red blood cells are now forming in her bone marrow, a job that was previously performed by tissue groups then the spleen, and she is able to see (even though it is dark inside my womb). The hair on her head is growing thicker at this point and she is now able to grasp, which is a seemingly simple reaction that newborn baby's do when grasping a finger.

MOMMA UPDATE
I am exhausted with anxiety, being pregnant after any loss is difficult but being pregnant after our losses (2 miscarriages and our stillbirth at 40 weeks) in someways feels unbearable. She is absolutely worth it but it is SO hard to relax and just enjoy pregnancy, and it is so hard to know when to mentally switch from we may have a baby to we are having a baby. Still at 30 weeks I get anxious buying things, things that she will need, because I am so terrified of loosing her. I know logically, I will be devastated to loose her, regardless of what we have bought for her just like how it didn't change how much it hurt to have to pack away our son's things or how my heart ached every time I would paw through his stuff, all brand new and waiting. It is just an irrational fear and once again I get so jealous of those naive parents to-be who believe (and for the most part live) that getting pregnant means getting a baby. I am also struggling with my lack of intuition, as far as my pregnancy has been concerned, I have been blessed to know that every worry and hospital visit was a false alarm but I get so scared thinking that what if this time something is wrong and I write it off thinking it is just my anxieties versus "intuition", but accepting that I virtually don't have an intuition and continuing just as I am (even if that means 8 more weeks of panicked hospital visits) is probably the best I can do with it. Otherwise I am feeling pretty good (especially about getting to THIRTY WEEKS PREGNANT!!!), trying to keep myself busy and distracted from all of this irrational worry with little projects for our sweet baby girl (headbands and baby book are keeping me busy at the moment) which helps. She is getting so strong and I love that I can feel her moving through out the day, if I get nervous I just lay down and do a quick kick count (or if I am really nervous I check her heartbeat on our doppler). We have had so much fun "playing" with her this week, as she is becoming more aware and able to react to things, it is so much fun to change the lighting (like taking the blanket off my belly or turning the lights on in the morning) and feeling her shuffle around or when she'll kick hard because her Daddy is talking to her. I had a couple bouts of nausea and heart burn (sometimes leading from the former, sometimes just because I was hungry) which I seem to be hungry more often lately, like I need to snack just to keep from getting hungry which isn't too terrible because I will happily please my cravings with a bowl of cereal or a glass of milk and also fill my hunger haha. I am still very sore and achey, sleep is becoming harder but I don't mind being up at 3am just to feel her kicking around (you know; after I go to the bathroom, grab a snack and crawl back into bed) I just absolutely adore her.

Measuring 44.5 inches

DADDY MOMENTS
While sitting on the couch one evening Daddy and baby girl we're "playing", she would push her feet out and when she would pull them back in Daddy would give my tummy a little poke where she had stretched out and she would of course push back. They "played" tag all over my belly and it was so much fun to feel her punch, kick and elbow her way around my belly chasing Daddy's little pokes.

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Putting together her baby book, I am making it and love that our baby girl's book will be custom to her and the pages will only include things relevant to her and us.

LOOKING FORWARD TO
Our next ultrasound, okay honestly just like all the other ultrasounds there is a bit of anxiety going into it, but I just love seeing her and seeing how much she's grown. I love seeing her little heart beating away, practically brings me to tears every time and I love feeling her move AND seeing her move. I also like that we get to meet with perinatal immediately afterwards and although nerve wracking, I am looking forward to (hoping and praying) that we will get good news.

xo, Anne.

29 Weeks

THIS WEEK
I am 29 weeks pregnant, holy bananas, I can't believe I am almost thirty weeks pregnant. If my ob delivers us at 37 weeks, as he mentioned at our last appointment, we have 8 weeks until we meet our baby girl! TWO MONTHS! Ah, I can't believe it. Had a scare during the week, late in the evening I suddenly had a very strong pain shoot down my side. I tried to sleep through it and hoped it would go away but by 3am I was wide awake in pain and terrified something was wrong. I decided that I would go to the hospital, this was the first time I would have to go without Dyl and that made me very nervous (and highly emotional). They let me have my phone on so I could let him know what was going on, which helped and once I was hooked up to the nst I was much calmer. After about 3 hours later and a good looking nst (they are always so impressed with how good of an nst we get from our strong little girl) I was discharged, just pain of some sort. But the ob told me to rest, if I was working to stop and no lifting - she also reassured me that I did the right thing coming in and told me not to hesitate to come back if I am worried about anything. So stressful, but so grateful that our baby girl is still safe and growing strong.

BABY UPDATE
Baby girl is the size of a pineapple for these next few weeks, over the next few weeks she will weigh approximately 2lbs 5ounces to 3lbs 7ounces and measure between 15 inches to 16.5 inches from the top of her beautiful head to her little toes.

Baby girl's brain is now responsible for regulating her temperature and controlling her breathing! All internal organs are fully formed and preparing to function at birth. Her irises are able to respond to light by dilating and contracting, she is now able to react to changes in lights, sound and even the tastes she is experiencing through mommy (especially sweets).

MOMMA UPDATE
Feeling okay, excited to meet our baby girl it feels like there is such a small amount of time left but I'm also scared to get through these next weeks - we made it this far, please Lord let me carry her safely for the next two (ish) months. My belly button has popped, when I'm standing or laughing haha, when I'm sitting it is flat and I think it is so funny! Started craving fruit, mandarin oranges especially, and peanut butter granola bars ontop of my ongoing craving for cereal with cold milk. Still lots of aches and pains, what sent me to the hospital aside, my whole body is feeling the last trimester and all those aches that come with it - but she's worth it. I previously mentioned having a runny/stuffy nose during the second trimester, that seems to have shifted to just a stuffy nose now.

Belly is measuring 44 inches.

DADDY MOMENTS
Just seeing how much he loves us, it is amazing and we are so lucky.

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Hearing the medical staff at L&D praise our strong little girl for her good nst (non-stress test) they are always so impressed and we are so proud of how strong our miracle is.

LOOKING FORWARD TO
Our next ultrasound, I can't wait to see how big she's gotten!

xo, Anne.

28 Weeks

THIS WEEK

I am 28 weeks and can't believe that we have 9 weeks left until our baby girl is here. This week was a little stressful, I had another ultrasound with maternal fetal medicine to check on baby girl's bowels. Although I know that even if her echogenic bowels don't resolve before she is born that it is still more likely to just be a "variant of normal" than anything else but I still worry, and I worry that they may find something else, I also irrationally worry that there are things they aren't telling us (but I think that is my overly anxious mind getting ahead of itself, especially since we meet with a parinatologist immediately after these ultrasounds). This ultrasound was good, we got to see her cute little face and that she even has some hair on her head! Which we couldn't believe that they could see on ultrasound, but we did and ahhh.. she is so cute! We met with parinatal afterwards and he told us that her bowels are looking better, they are looking less "striking" and said that although the size hasn't changed much he said that it is reassuring that it hasn't gotten bigger given how much she has grown. Speaking of her growth he said that our baby girl weighs 2.7lbs and is in the 95th percentile for her weight and that is good news especially given her 2 vessel cord (which is commonly associated with growth restrictions) and she is currently in the breach position although I don't put too much worry into that because she has been in a new position every week. I also asked about my placenta, amniotic fluid and cervix and everything looks good, my placenta is a bit "bulky" and said that could be a soft marker for a chromosome problem but is usually associated with anemia or gestational diabetes, but that we shouldn't worry about it. I had been reading and have seen some moms with 2 vessel cords have large placentas as the placenta will sometimes take over for the lacking vessel in the umbilical cord - I'm trying not to put too much worry into it and waiting to see my obstetrician. But overall it was a good ultrasound and we just love our baby girl. Earlier in the week we also paid a visit to the hospital (like I've said before, the staff is going to know me by name when we have our baby girl) and they have always been so reassuring to come in even if I am just worried. This time I was worried, after our road trip, since my existing varicose veins were causing me even more pain than usual that I could have a blood clot - 2 trips to L&D in 12 hours, another great nst, a leg ultrasound and running into my ob who happened to be in that day (along with the prenatal doctor I had with our son, I didn't see him though) determined that it is just pain, no blood clot and as long as it is just pain I am okay with that.

BABY UPDATE

Baby girl is approximately the size of a papaya for the last time, weighing between 1.5lbs to 2.20lbs and is anywhere from 13.3 inches to 14.5 inches long.

Our baby girl's little eyes are now partially open and those tiny eyelids are able to blink, her eyes may now have some color but the final pigmentation requires exposure to light - in some cases the final color of the eyes cannot be determined with certainty until at least 9 months after birth. She is now able to recognize different levels of light, even inside my womb. Although she still has to grow a lot, her little body is getting chubbier as fat is depositing under her wrinkled skin and muscles are now developing some tone as well. I may now begin to notice a sleeping cycle for our baby girl as her movements become larger and more frequent.

MOMMA UPDATE

I am feeling pretty good, this week was a little exhausting with the hospital visits and ultrasound, but I am feeling better after seeing our precious baby girl and hearing that she is doing well and also knowing that the pain I have is just pain (hah). But with all of the visits to the hospital I started to really pack my hospital bag, there are still a few things I want to pick up but stuff is officially IN the bag instead of a few piles here and there. She is so strong and we have already noticed that she will react to the lights turning on and off, which is adorable. I mentioned last week that my rings were starting to get tight, I have officially put away my engagement ring and am only wearing my wedding band, which I expect to do once she's here anyway but it is definitely taking some getting used to. I feel like this is probably the shortest update on me in the last 28 weeks, haha!

Belly is measuring 43.75 inches (apparently we're taking a while to make the jump to 44 inches)

DADDY MOMENTS

I say this so often but I just love the bond they have already, she's still growing in my tummy and yet she kicks and moves when he is singing or talking to her - it is just absolutely adorable, she is such a Daddy's girl already.

FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK

Finding out she already has hair, I just can't stop picturing what she is going to look like and knowing she already has hair only adds to my curiosity. I just can't wait to meet her, I can't wait to watch her grow up.

LOOKING FORWARD TO

Meeting our baby girl, a little more than two months left, I just can't wait.

xo, Anne.