No Nursery Yet?

As project nursery commences both in real life and on the blog some may wonder why we are just starting now, I mean our daughter is four months old after all and considering it is common practice for moms to prepare the nursery while pregnant (most starting shortly after the big 20 week ultrasound), by those standards I'm getting at this pretty late in the game. Although it is far from unheard of, there is a much smaller group of parents that forgo the nursery preparations until after the baby is born - similarly to those who skip the baby shower for a meet & greet upon baby's arrival.

When I was pregnant with Lilly I would get excited to buy things, to get ready for her but then the "what if" reel would play on in my mind. It was so bad that almost every time we would buy something I was terrified that we'd loose her. Even if I heard her heartbeat that morning, saw her on ultrasound the day before or felt her kicking right there. I was so scared, as if buying an outfit would somehow decide whether or not my body could carry this pregnancy. It made no sense but I could only see preparing the nursery as a bad experience while pregnant and I deserved to enjoy my pregnancy - and every bit of it that I could.

I know that my anxiety with her nursery (among other things) stemmed from our history, once you've lost a child things change. We lost our son at forty weeks pregnant, the day after his due date, his nursery was done when we left to go to the hospital that morning. But instead of the happy homecoming I envisioned, his bright blue room sat empty, dark and silent for months until we packed everything away. I know there are angel moms who yearn for that, just to have something tangible that proves their baby was here, I don't regret that (this is quickly turning into a whole other post) but for the sake of my sanity I was glad to hold off on the nursery.

Also between our renovations and being on some level of bed rest my entire pregnancy, it kind of forced me to stay out of the nursery and I love that I am now able to enjoy it, I am able to participate in preparing her nursery and I have already tweaked our nursery plans to include things that make her happy - which I would be reluctant to do, the way that I'm doing it, if we had already finished her nursery.

I can't wait to start painting, sewing and get this little lady's room done!

xo, Anne