I was disappointed and frustrated, I felt like a failure. I felt so alone in my failing, with a few close family & friends announcing their pregnancies in the recent months I couldn't believe that we weren't pregnant. Why us? What did I do wrong now? It sucked and I was so angry with the whole situation – this should have been our month, I had read so many success stories from the first cycle on Clomid and even more from the first cycle after the HSG procedure – why not us?
But along with the disappointment came a sigh of relief, the onset of a very regular cycle meant I did ovulate, we just missed the right timing, hardly the be-all-end-all I was making it out to be. Regular, healthy, perfectly-fertile people struggle with getting the right timing – this was far from failing, this was normal. The fact that I ovulated was a triumph on its own, I know there are women who don't react to Clomid so I knew to recognize how lucky we were even though we hadn't conceived yet.
To help change my focus I decided to write out the benefits of not being pregnant this month, little things that wouldn't have mattered if we were but since we weren't, why not? I also fully intend to take advantage of not being pregnant and get in some time with my main squeeze (dr.pepper) how I've lusted after you, along with a few other things that I plan to avoid during pregnancy (deli-meat sandwiches and soft cheese, that means you!). It may seem silly but if it helps swap feeling like a failure out for a bit of happiness, I'll totally take a swing at it.
Tomorrow I meet with my obstetrician to discuss my blood work and come up with a plan.
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