Heart Broken

Not Pregnant, might as well read as “Failure”

I couldn't believe it, I kept staring at the results, it had to have been wrong... maybe it will change. It hasn't changed, its not going to change. I guess that’s the plus side of buying the digital, its the day my period is due – there is little reason to question the results.

I'm just so disappointed, I was so confident that this was our month. Today, Dyl told me he was sad because he didn't want my period to come, he didn't want me to not be pregnant. Broke my heart. All I wanted to do was tell him we're pregnant when he came home from martial arts, instead he'll see right through me and know the test was negative. I thought at least, if it was negative, my breakdown last week would keep me from falling apart today, it hasn't.

Why? Ugh, my heart is so broken.

Then, as if the Not Pregnant wasn't enough WHERE IS MY PERIOD? Couldn't just show up on time, that way I wouldn't have wasted the money on another negative test, I wouldn't have spent the day analyzing symptoms and getting my hopes up. My period would be here and in 5 short days we could restart with a fresh cycle. Instead, no period and not pregnant. Great.

I'm increasingly looking forward to seeing my obstetrician in June/July maybe he'll have something for us, I'm going to have to commit to BBT charting again so I can at least have something to show him.

I just wanted it to be positive, I couldn't even imagine how magical it would have been to just see “Pregnant” instead.