Two Years

February officially marks two years that my husband and I have been on this insane roller coaster called trying to conceive. Neither of us could have ever expected what has happened over the last two years of our journey, after loosing our son I tried to hold onto some sort of hope that things would be easier this time around but apparently that wasn't the case.

Its a somber feeling, to think that its been two years that we've spent hoping and waiting yet at the same time I feel strangely empowered. I sort of feel like this superwoman for facing so much, for not being defeated because of our struggles but instead choosing hope (not that I don't ever feel defeated, it happens). That with every day, every month that we don't conceive is another month filled with wanting & I cannot imagine a baby more wanted then ours (clearly ours isn't the only, but between my husband and I along with our families and close friends it sure feels that way). I just keep thinking how worth all of this will be once we're holding that precious baby we've been waiting for. Does any of that even make sense? Haha, I think I think too much sometimes.

Due to the nature of our trying to conceive journey we haven't always been actively trying over the last two years (three months waiting after the ectopic and plenty of months with no ovulation) but we were still on the boat, not preventing and hoping our month would come. It has been exhausting on so many levels, I can't even fathom that two perfectly healthy people can struggle for two years (hopefully not much longer) and I know that despite all our struggle we are still so lucky to have all the love and support we have, our situation sucks but I know things could be so much worse and for that I am still grateful.

I hope by the three year mark it'll be something we simply look back on as a 'this time last year..' type of deal.