When to Announce

No, I'm not pregnant (although still hoping!)

But this is something that does weigh heavy on my mind, when we do get pregnant when should we announce to our families and friends.

With our first pregnancy, we were young and a little surprised, we didn't tell our families until an ultrasound at 12weeks (finding out at 7weeks helped too) and everyone was so excited so it broke our hearts to tell all of these people who fell so in love with our son that we had lost him. When we got pregnant for the second time, we only announced to our very immediate family, and in the matter of a week we were told it was ectopic and obviously, I couldn't continue the pregnancy. While there was a sense of sadness, it was so quick that no one (including myself really) got attached to that pregnancy. Fast forward two and a half years of trying, we got pregnant for a third time and decided to announce right away, everyone had been waiting so long for our baby and we really felt good about this pregnancy. Weeks went by, a great ultrasound with a good heartbeat at 7weeks made breathing a little easier, but when we found out a few weeks afterwards that our baby stopped growing my heart broke. My heart hurt so badly as I had loved that baby from the very first positive test at 3 in the morning, crying happy tears on my bathroom floor. But my heart also broke for our families, and our friends, who were so excited for this little one - that once again I would have to tell them I had lost another baby, once again I would have to break their hearts.

So I have done both announcing right away and waiting past the first trimester, and considering loosing our son at 40weeks I don't think I will ever really feel safe in a pregnancy because I know that at any moment things could end. When I found out I was pregnant this last time I had decided right away that I deserved to enjoy and love our baby for as long as I had with him/her - but I sincerely expected to love that baby for a lifetime. Never the less I have come to realize that life isn't guaranteed for anyone, even children, so who would it benefit if we protected our hearts by choosing not to love anyone in the chance we could loose them? What an empty life, I couldn't even imagine it. So I know when we get pregnant again, while I will be scared and pray even more than before to keep our baby, I know I will spend every day I get loving that child.

What I am stuck on though is when I can comfortably tell our families and friends without fear that I will break their hearts all over again. I want to protect the people I care for, my husband included but at the same time who am I to take away their chance at loving on another child - hopefully for a lifetime but even if only for a few months, why should I get to make that decision for them. It also helped to have support, to know people were keeping us in their prayers and thinking of our baby - helped make me feel less alone.

 I think what feels best for us is that we will keep our pregnancy between us, for a couple weeks, let an ultrasound or two (and/or be able to regularly use my doppler) make us feel more comfortable before we tell our families. I think it will be scary and nerve wracking at times and it will be so hard to keep it a secret but I almost think it will be nice to get to soak in some time with the pregnancy, enjoy having it be our little secret. Then once we are feeling more confident we will announce to our families and it will (hopefully) save them a little worry knowing we made it to X weeks too and hopefully give them some reassurance with things like ultrasounds and my doppler.

I know that everyone has a different way to deal with these things, and ultimately you do what is best for you and your family - not what a magazine or even the main stream tells you. If I am being completely honest here, I didn't really know what felt best when I started writing this post, which is why I wanted to write and organize my thoughts in the first place. Look what came out of it (aside from a massive post, oh gosh, I think I need to implement shorter posts once in a while haha)