When Toys Take Over

We live in a 700 square foot suite, of sorts, and I pride myself in keeping it well organized and clean (which is kind of a must when you have a small space) so I knew before Lilly was born that I would need to come up with ways to make it easy to corral the toys. I must admit there was a lot of brainstorming involved and I remember scouring through the internet looking for ideas so although this isn't anything new I thought I would share what works for me.

Baskets. Baskets and bins and boxes. Oh my!

We have a large basket in the living room and one in her bedroom, right now those hold most of her toys. Having two main places for toys makes it real easy to tidy up before nap time or in the evening - we literally just toss them in. It is also really simple to swap out toys and switch them up between the two baskets, which is sure to keep her busy for a little while as she checks out all of the seemingly new toys.

While we can mostly contain her toys between the two baskets we knew that storage was at a premium (remember, small space) I don't like things to look or feel cluttered so finding solutions just like the baskets was a big priority as she gets older and accumulates more things (though we try not to get out of hand with toys).

In her bedroom there are a few different places that are empty (or mostly empty, a puzzle here or some small toys there) first is a sweet little toy box that doubles as a bench, this was Dylan's when he was a child, built by his grandpa it was once bright green and then a creamy yellow before it found it's way into storage. While working on Lilly's nursery I painted it white with pink inside and I can't wait to find her sitting on the bench surrounded by pillows and little dolls. Right now it is empty! There are also a grand total of FIVE canvas bins throughout her bedroom, all of which are empty or nearly empty. I am a big fan of these bins, we will likely end up with a few in our living room or on the desk someday, they are much larger than they look and like the other baskets it will be easy to keep tidy, although I will likely organize the bins with a bit more structure than I do the big baskets (for example: dolls in one and dress up clothes for another).

Now I am trying to think of how we can contain all of her stuffed animals, I am thinking of maybe a toy bag to hang off the side of her crib (which would put it right into the "play area" of her room anyway - still brainstorming.

I want to add that it may seem like I totally have it all under control but I don't! Ha! Some days there are toys and books sprawled everywhere, lucky for me I've made it easy to clean up.

So, how do you keep the toys from taking over?

See you Monday!
xo, Anne Anderson

My Pregnancy Keepsake

If you haven't noticed I tend to often over-document things, the best example is my pregnancy with Lilly. I had waited so long and knew how quickly it could end, so from the very beginning I wanted to capture everything. But I also knew that I would want to have all those photos and journals put somewhere other than online here, but that was a much harder question to answer and I spent a LONG time thinking about what would be best for us, what could possibly corral ALL that information in one spot and have it not only look good but also be a decent size.

The answer: a photo book

But before I could start putting everything together I was still overwhelmed by so many questions; How big of a book? How could I make all that text fit nicely? What size font could I use without being too small? What about all those pictures every week? How would the pictures print? How could I make it look good? I also had a long debate between a few different companies but with a coupon for a free photobook from Shutterfly I decided to bite the bullet knowing that if I didn't like how it turned out I wouldn't have the guilt of wasting money. Speaking of Shutterfly coupons, sign up with for their newsletters on your email and follow them on Facebook, they always have a promo going on - sometimes it is free shipping, sometimes it is 40% off

The Shutterfly website is very user friendly, someone less tech savvy (or less picky haha) could easily take the Simple path where all you have to do is arrange photos and add your text into the boxes. I chose to do the Custom path because I knew right away that there wouldn't be something readily available for the amount of stuff I needed to pack into this book (also because I am crazy picky and love graphic design). Still it was really easy and after a few hours, mostly spent collecting all the stuff that I wanted included, I was ready to order.

But lets talk details a little bit because I had a really hard time figuring out how the font sizes or photo sizes would translate to print. So I started with the 8x8 hard cover photo book, I figured if I could fit everything in nicely it would be a great size to sit on our shelf or have on the coffee table (spoiler alert, everything fit great!). I used the font Backtalk (regular) size 10 for all of the journal, it is easy to read and considering the amount of stuff we included it looks so good!

I started with our "bump dates" since those would be the bulk of the book (34 total from 5 weeks to 38 weeks pregnant) and because I went with the Custom path I was able to play with the layout until I got it just right then I used the duplicate option from the Pages drop down menu. This way all the information would fit but having the same layout would highlight the big change in pictures as my belly grew page by page.


Then I had a few special pages I wanted to include in our book; like my three trimester summary right up at the front where all the little things like cravings and symptoms to milestones and weight gain are all in one place and one of my favorite pages where (almost) all of our favorite ultrasound pictures are side by side and it is so fun to see how much she changed and grew with each one.

and all of our maternity photos, where we celebrated our little daughter and threw all of the concerns that popped up during our anatomy scan to the wind.

Saving the best for last, a perfect ending to my pregnancy book - our beautiful baby girl's birth story (complete with all sorts of ooey gooey lovey dovey).

Ahh.. I just love it! It is such a wonderful book to flip through and I cannot believe I actually fit everything in it. I love being able to sit down and see all the photos and read my own words as we celebrated each week of my pregnancy. As far as the big debate on quality - I think it is pretty great, the photos are clear and the pages are sturdy. This is the one that got me addicted to Shutterfly photo books. I even went and put together a keepsake book for my pregnancy with Gabriel, which makes it kind of nice to see my two kids books right beside each other.

So are you a fan of photo books?


See you next week!
xo, Anne

5 Things I'd do Different

I may have had more time than some to day dream of the kind of mom I would one day become but like most parents there are a few things that I would like to do differently with our next child (really these are things that if I knew then what I know now I probably would have tried to do differently with Lilly too, but she's only one so I have plenty of time to work on the things I can implement now). Anyway here are my five!

1. Don't rush.
While I do believe I have and continue to soak up and enjoy every bit of my tiny baby girl I had a hard time not thinking of how things would be easier, simpler. "Once she has head control I won't worry so much about others holding her" "if she was able to walk I could put her down safely while I do laundry" ect. I was so filled with worry that I often looked forward to reaching a milestone that appeared to be the answer to my worries. Now that I have some experience under my belt those worries seem SO trivial and it makes me sad that I didn't spend that time enjoying more (If I could've fit in even more haha)

2. Worry less.

You hear it all the time "all moms worry" and it's true but paired with my anxiety once I exhausted the normal things my mind would stress over ridiculous things like ghosts and baby stealers (what?). I was, and sometimes still am, in a constant state of stress that SOMETHING bad is going to happen and it just takes away joy. So within the realm of realistic expectations, elimate what you can and ANNE CHOOSE TO WORRY LESS. 

3. Make it simple. 

I have a baby book, online journal, notepads on the desk AND cellphone, the monthly chalkboards for her first year, family year book, a calendar on my cellphone and in our home ect. Which made for a REALLY exhausting game of collecting all the information any time I would want to write something down. Pick one, maybe two and leave it at that. There is no need for stress over this (See number 2 above).

4. Breastfeed - with confidence & in comfort.

Before I was pregnant with our daughter I thought that I was going to exclusively pump, years ago I didn't even see breastfeeding as a priority. Anyway fastforward to now, 15 months breastfeeding  (though only at night now) and it is such a blessing that we were able to but I've also learnt a little over the months. I ordered a cheap nursing pillow and it does the job but a good supportive pillow would've been a nice splurge to keep a good position and help hold a sleeping baby.  Speaking of position, enforce a good latch - I let this slide with our daughter thinking I could handle the pain but I think it could've avoided issues with biting later on. If nothing else just to feel confident in my ability to nurse and my breastfeeding choices. Also cloth nursing pads, disposable didn't sound too bad until I was wearing them for over a year. 

5. Prep Early.
I am a holiday junkie, I love it all and have spent SO long thinking of the things we would do at Christmas or Easter, how her first birthday would go and what her first Halloween costume would be. But I'd let the weeks slip by, so sure that time wasn't flying by as quickly as it felt then the next thing I know it's a week before and I have barely started. This essentially boils down to eliminating stress (see number 2), these are realy important to me so they deserve more time even if that means starting a couple months ahead.

So here are mine, what are your five things you'd do differently? If you don't have children here yet, what are five thing you'd like to do as a parent?

See you Monday!
xo, Anne

Goodbye, for now

Rather than leave this seemingly abandoned I am going to instead call this little blog of mine closed for the time being. Life is just so short and every moment I'm not spending with my family is one I don't get back. Like I have mentioned before, the idea of starting a Youtube mommy channel is incredibly appealing and I would love to have that creative outlet of my own again in the near future, so if you like what you've read here in the past know that I will come back but right now I have a beautiful one year old and I want to soak up every single minute with her.

Thank you for reading along my unbelievable journey to Lilly

love, hope & prayers, Anne

6 Month Old Painting!

As far back as I can remember I couldn't wait to proudly display my sweet child's artwork, it just struck me as one of those mom things. I have stored away scribbled messes of princesses on the back of napkins from my niece and have a small canvas that is pretty much brown from over-mixed colors from my nephew and I love it. I am a very proud Aunty but every fiber of my being has longed to be a mother, and I couldn't wait to watch my child create.

I picked up a 8x10 canvas from the dollar store, it is a great gem to grab and makes creating that much more special too. Immediately I knew I wanted to have Lilly paint something so we could hang it in her bedroom but I wondered if she was too young and so I kept putting it off. Shortly after she passed 6 months old I put my foot down, this was happening and I gathered my supplies. Because I knew I couldn't handle the stress of her possibly ingesting the paint I knew we would have to keep the paint from her while still giving her the chance to create. Here comes the large Ziploc bags to the rescue!

I squeezed a few drops of each color, you could also get a nice effect if you did each color separately
and allowed them to dry between colors to create a more layered painting. Maybe next time. After carefully slipping the paint covered canvas into the Ziploc bag I held it in front of my sweet baby girl and let her smoosh and pat the canvas as she created her first little piece of art work. 

For now it is part of the gallery wall in her room but if/when the day comes that we change it out I am the first in line to hang it on our wall - I love it so much, I love her so much.

How do you encourage creativity in your home? Do you have a stash of sweet little one's artwork? I know I can't be the only one ;)

xo, Anne.

Two Pregnancies

Lots of parents do it, you'll see it on the blog and occasionally I may even bring it up among close family, but one of the things I have enjoyed doing while I was pregnant with Lilly and even now-a-days is fondly remember my pregnancy with our son and even compare the two pregnancies. To me it isn't a sad topic to think or even talk about, my pregnancy with our son is filled with some of the best memories I will ever have with him, it is one of the few ways that I can begin making a connection between my children, to me this is a very happy topic.

This is actually the first time I am sharing photos of my pregnancy with our sweet boy but also, sharing his name. An appropriate post as I make connections between our babies even though only Lillith is in my arms.

Although I carried similarly with both, very low, I showed a lot faster with my daughter. Some will say that is because this was a second pregnancy and my body was already stretched and knew what to do while it is also obvious that my body and weight too changed between the two. While our son spent majority of his time in my belly in the traditional position, our Lilly changed every week from transverse to frank breach and traditional breach, even head down near the end although always with her legs out in my ribs. Some will say that movements are so much stronger with boys but honestly I think it is just their personalities showing, maybe our little boy would've been the gentle, quiet one while our Lilly already can't wait to get moving.

Because I'm a fan of car rides (yes like a little kid) I always loved that our son would calm down during car rides while Lillith loved to wiggle and kick about at any time. We always speculated that our son would be one of those babies that a car ride was a guaranteed nap time while Lillith is hit or miss even when she is absolutely exhausted.

During the big anatomy ultrasound our sweet son was stubborn and shy, not letting us see he was a boy until a much later ultrasound while his little sister, although also terribly stubborn, had no problem letting us know she was a little girl. But both of them were often caught with a hand or arm stretched over their face which you can sometimes see their Daddy do when he falls asleep, although Lillith was often seen holding her hands at her chest or just below her face which she still does now.

A lot of people while wondering if their on team boy or team girl will ask about symptoms and differences people had with their pregnancies, hoping to get some sort of insight. I have seen people with completely different pregnancies have two of the same gender while I carried very similarly with both my son and my daughter - there are no hints here ;)

I craved a lot of the same things, all sorts of fruit and icey cold milk were favorites with both but my nausea was far worse with our daughter while the nausea I had while pregnant with our son was only really bad during the early weeks. Like I mentioned before, aside from showing earlier with Lilly I carried low and similarly with both pregnancies, but I found my back and hip pain far worse while pregnant with our son and my round ligament pains more frequent with our daughter.

Both of their fetal heart rates stayed above 140 bpm, a popular old wives tale that the above 140 bpm range meant a baby girl. But I do have to give a nod towards daughters stealing moms beauty, I wouldn't say I was ugly (because that is a horrible thing to say) but I know that I had some acne pop up and my hair was just not as cooperative (as much as curly hair ever is) when I was pregnant with Lilly but while carrying our son my hair was thick and soft, growing quickly and my skin was wonderful.

I could go on, it is just such a happy feeling to reminisce about our babies and a time where they were a part of me, while now they carry pieces of my heart with them.

xo, Anne.

Project Nursery { Creating a Closet }

Our sweet Lilly's nursery was once an ugly storage room of sorts, her amazing Daddy built the room completely and when it came time to discuss layouts we knew we wanted some sort of closet but the only space left was a small barely three feet wide and a little more than twelve inches deep corner of the room - we knew we wouldn't be able to get a door on it but we had seen smaller closets work beautifully and figured we would give it a chance. I mean worst case scenario it could easily work as built in shelves.

I painted the inside of the closet white to contrast her little pink room and we liked that the white inside would let our baby girl's beautiful little dresses and bright colored blankets become the stars of the closet instead of competing. Once the paint had dried our attention turned to transforming this little nook into a closet, the possibility of just adding a few hanging rods was nixed immediately because we knew we wanted to get as much storage as we could. We considered a closet kit like this one but after installing a similar one years ago at our old home we remembered that it wasn't quite as simple and we didn't see the point of spending that much money on a kit that we would have to significantly cut up and alter just to fit the tiny closet space we had. But with a little bit of planning you can create a similar effect without the cost that is custom to your needs and space, it was pretty easy.

We picked up a 4ft wire shelf, less than $10 and used our little hack saw to cut it down
After debating between the two common systems, either the one with tracks drilled into the back of the closet or little brackets and hooks drilled into the walls but after looking at other closets (and the pantry..) in our house we decided to go with these side brackets and these drywall clips (but in a MUCH smaller box). Installation was so easy, we hammered in two little clips on the back wall then stuck the shelf into those clips and with the help of a level lined up those two side brackets. We also picked up this little guy for $5 to fill with little things like burp cloths, blankets and towels and I am still surprised by how much it can hold.

Our total cost for the closet was around $20 which is awesome compared to the closet kits ranging from $50-$150 (and more..) we also love that there is still a lot of room left if we choose to install another shelf or even a rod across the middle or add a shelf on the floor for shoe storage.

xo, Anne.

Waiting for you..

Our journey to Lillith was far from the typical 9 months I carried her in my belly, it was months turned years of waiting and praying. Hoping and dreaming of our little baby, in August 2012 just after my last round of Clomid I had a dream that I would bring home a small dark haired baby girl. She was bundled up in pink and details of that dream were far from anything I could predict then. It was so vivid and so incredible, I believe I dreamt of her and Lord knows I needed it then, just months before my first positive pregnancy test in almost 3 years would end in miscarriage.

Who could have imagined that nine months after that dream, six months after that devastating miscarriage that I would be blessed with another positive test, this time without the Clomid just before we were about to give up. 

She's here, it has been such a challenging and difficult journey and I have had many dark days but holding her in my arms is amazing, there is light and there is hope.

xo, Anne.

Combating Clothing Clutter

It is super easy to get swept away with little clothes, everything is just so adorable (I'm not exclusively talking about girl clothes either, don't get me wrong I love shopping for our daughter but boy clothes is just as stinkin' cute... anyway). Between shopping sprees and hand-me-downs, excited grandparents and random gifts - most parents find themselves swimming in mountains of clothing and that can become pretty overwhelming.

You hear often of parents saying "she only wore that once" "we never took the tag off" "he hasn't even worn this" and I knew I didn't want to do that. Not only because that sounds like such a waste of money but also because I loved every onesie and sleeper we had and wanted to see them on her as many times as I could.

Right off the bat we set a rough limit of 10 (10 pairs of pants, 10 onesies), we knew we would rather get as much use out of the tiny clothes than be finding things she never wore (still happened a tiny bit though). Does that mean we'd tell great grandma to return that newborn sleeper because we had reached the limit? No, gifts are gifts - although we've been lucky enough that for the most part people buy a few sizes up when gifting us baby clothes.

We've also had to be pretty strict with hand-me-downs, Lillith has two girl cousins a few years older than her and we've received a lot from them. Definitely focused more on what she would actually wear instead of holding on to everything. There is a small box for special items that stay in the family, a storage tote hidden under her crib with clothes that she will grow into and a large bag ready for donations.

My beat advice is limit yourself, we still buy things for our little girl all the time but try to buy sizes that will fit longer and items that I know we will get a lot of use out of. It's not perfect, but it works for us.

Are you a baby-clothes shopaholic? Or do you have a handful of faves?

xo, Anne

Introducing Solids

Now more than ever before, introducing "solid" food to your baby has become truly exclusive to your own choices and everyone does it differently (which really should be how we take parenting in general, but that is another post)

Just a few years ago I remember reading the guidelines for introducing food to a baby, which fruits and vegetables were considered "stage one" while meats were held off for later months. When you talk to your parents and grandparents you'll hear how they had to start with rice cereal then to another grain before you even introduced fruits or vegetables or how eggs and peanut butter were held off because of allergy risks. I was recently at our pediatricians office and learnt that isn't the practice anymore, I was still surprised when our family doctor and even the health nurses at Lillith's six month shots explained the changes.

"You can start with whatever you want"

They still suggest beginning with an iron-fortified cereal because iron levels, especially in breastfed babies as iron is added to (most?) formula, begins to deplete at this age but that can also be combated depending on the foods you choose to introduce.

The only real rule? Try out each food with at least four days before introducing another just to make it easier to identify an allergy. Which is a good idea anyway because taste buds adapt and what may seem like a vegetable your baby doesn't like one day will often change after giving it a few more tries. But otherwise, it is entirely up to the parents.

Up until six months old, Lillith was exclusively breastfed and I am so happy to say that I have been able to exclusively breastfeed my daughter for six months, I hope to meet our goal of one year. Lillith had been showing signs that she was ready a few weeks before turning six months old; watching everything we ate and trying to grab at it, she would often try to mimic our mouths chewing and we knew she would likely transition to solids fairly well. While we weren't holding off until the age marker we were also not in a rush to jump into it either. We like the fun saying "food before one is just for fun" since they are still receiving vast majority of their nutrients from the breast milk (or formula) and don't need much to meet their nutritional requirements unlike us who rely on nutritious meals throughout the day.

To maintain the priority of breast milk in her diet we always nurse first before heading to the high chair, that way she isn't filling up on cereal (for example) and skipping out on breast milk. We started with infant rice cereal, I don't know if we will switch to oats or wheat cereal and I was a little uncertain about starting with infant cereals at all but learning about her iron levels swayed me to include it in her diet. I add breast milk instead of water and also her vitamin D, then I get a little excited over the amount of nutrients in the little bowl as I get her ready. Lillith quickly caught on to keeping the cereal in her mouth instead of pushing it out, and opens her mouth wide with a smile as the spoon approaches.

We waited a little over a week, not only because of the attention to possible allergies but also because I wanted to build her little appetite, after all she has been on a liquid-only diet her whole life. We have since introduced her first food, after a lot of back and forth we decided to start with peaches. Initially we wanted to start with a vegetable, something that wasn't so naturally sweet, but after noting how sweet my breast milk is we decided that starting with something that was a little sweet would (hopefully) help her enjoy experiencing new tastes as we went on. We also liked that it is easy on her tummy, has some fiber to help her stay regular and iron to keep those levels up along with great vitamins.


Years ago I helped make my dear nephew's food and loved doing it, and although I have nothing against the store bought jars I couldn't wait to start making food for my own child. I didn't go out of my way to purchase any of the baby food appliances and instead I opted for a good blender because I'm the kind of person that doesn't often buy things without seeing long-term use (and ideally multiple purpose) and am borrowing the storage cubes that my sister in-law used (although I hear an ice cube tray works fine).

The peaches were super easy to prepare, after washing thoroughly we cut them into quarters and peeled them. I used one and a half peaches and ended up with six portions.

While I started preparing peaches for her to actually eat we decided to wash a full peach and let her play with it. She gave us some pretty surprised faces and eventually tried to get it into her mouth. We watched her closely while she put little chew marks into the peach before traded it out for a bowl of pureed peaches. Which she seemed to have mixed feelings for, she would come towards the spoon but not quite like she does with her cereal - although this is the first taste and texture that is very different from the only things she's ever had, which is breast milk (I don't know if the cereal really has a taste but it is incredibly sweet from my milk). But every time she got some of the peaches into her mouth she would make this scrunched up face and we giggled so much at her reactions, grateful that we were also able to capture them, overall she ate really well and only left a little bit in the bowl. I think we can call it a success!

xo, Anne.

Project Nursery { gallery wall }

Work continues in our little girl's nursery, it has been so much fun to finally put together her room and I am so glad I waited. This week the gallery wall went up and I am so in love with it,

Even from the inspiration photos and early planning, I knew I wanted to add a gallery wall  to our sweet Lilly's nursery. I wanted a place for her newborn photos, maybe a maternity photo or two, keepsakes and even her own artwork and I knew I wanted to do it in a way that wasn't just same shape frames, I wanted variety and interest. So I came at this gallery wall with a fairly high wish list and wondered if I would be able to pull it off without overwhelming her room. 

With such a tall order and big expectations I took a few extra steps to ensure I ended up with a gallery wall that I was happy with.

STEP ONE

I browsed Pinterest looking at the gallery walls that I liked and had pinned before, What was it about those specific ones that caught my eye? I also put a lot of thought into what I wanted to include in the gallery wall, making a list helped me narrow down and decide on what would eventually fill the frames.

STEP TWO 

Collect the frames and other bits you want included in your gallery wall, I had been gathering frames for a few months and putting them aside.

STEP THREE

You can use anything that works, have some newspaper hanging around? That would do fine. I have a giant roll of freezer paper and decided to use that to trace and cut out mock versions of the things I wanted included in my gallery wall.

STEP FOUR

I know this all feels like unnecessary steps, why not just throw some frames on the wall and call it a day? While I am sure some can do that and pull it off, I knew that doing these extra steps would give me the opportunity to play with the arrangement before making a final decision. I did just that and as I taped my freezer-paper versions up on the wall I wound up playing with them and moving them about a fair amount before finally being happy with the way it looked. It is worth the extra effort (at least for me).

STEP FIVE

FINALLY, haha, grab some nails and your hammer! Some frames are easy to hang up while others have all these little hooks so if a frame is giving you trouble mark on your paper versions where the hooks are and hammer into that, it may seem strange but the paper version can be pulled away and now you won't be blindly trying to level out a frame with all those crazy hooks. 

Please ignore the empty frames throughout this post and while there was a sneak peak at the nursery I am saving the full reveal for another day as I work on sewing and adding some final details.

xo, Anne.

Sharing our story

I have struggled many times dodging questions about our children, I don't know if it is worse now "Is this your first?" or before "do you even want kids?"

Sometimes I share and am pleasantly surprised by their reaction, a few years ago I shared with a coworker-turned-friend and the reaction was filled with love and support. Other times this happens and I withdraw deeper into myself convinced that those who have never experienced such heartache would never understand anyway, which is really unfair to myself and also unfair to those whose kind hearts and open minds allow for a special level of understanding.

But how do you judge that?

I often feel like I'm living a double life as I talk openly about all of our children at home, with our families and within the loss/pregnancy community. But out and about I try to make quick judgement, does the cashier at the grocery store really need to know? How about the lady at church that I see every week? It's hard sometimes and sometimes the line blurs between what seems like two worlds and things like "with my son..."  comes up before I have a chance to stop it, then I'm left standing there stumbling over my words and their questions.

I recently experienced sharing our son's story with my dental assistant, as I gracefully answered her questions I assumed I would be met with "I'm sorry" which is probably among the best replies someone can give - I mean, I realize and understand how difficult it must be to hear our story, or stories like ours, what do you say? Instead she went on to talk about her own loss, she had suffered a missed miscarriage many years ago and danced so delicately around mine, as if she felt that I had gone through so much worse than her. Many times in the loss community I have heard "but I wasn't as far as you" and when you get to forty weeks pregnant there isn't many that get as far or farther than I did with our son but that isn't truly how I feel about others. I have known the heart ache of an early ultrasound showing no heartbeat when only weeks before there was life, just as I have delivered and held my otherwise perfect son knowing he would never come home with us. When I get the opportunity to support someone who has suffered the pain of loosing a child, I feel blessed to have this story - as much as I wish no one had to loose, including myself, but if there has to be a world where amazing parents have to say good bye to their children then I am, with a broken heart, glad to be able to give more than a hushed "I'm sorry". She was so gentle with me and I can't even describe how my heart ached for her, had someone made her feel this way before? Had she spent this much time feeling like she (in her own words) overreacted? I stopped her immediately, no, don't take away from your loss just because I have suffered differently. You were pregnant, you were excited and in love with your child just as I was, you went in expecting a happy ultrasound and instead heard the worst thing a mother can hear. Please don't take away from yourself like that. We continued to talk and share our experiences, in ways that I'm sure neither of us often get to, by the end of my appointment my heart was so full. Like I said before, if this was how it had to be for me, with my son in heaven and everything else we had suffered through then I am blessed to be a beacon of hope and love to those that need it.

What if I hadn't shared with her? What if I quietly told her that our sweet Lilly was my only child and left it at that. Not only would I have taken away that experience from myself but I would also take away that brief moment where that woman could talk about her three children and not just the two seen in pictures. 

I have six years of "experience" and to be completely honest I still have difficulty trying to find a happy medium between when to share and when not to share. I wish there was a way to be marked for all to see, a way for those who can't handle it to look the other way while welcoming those who can or need it. Unfortunately I am learning that the only way to do so is by sharing, not that I always do and sometimes I wish I hadn't when I did while other times I am so glad to be able to give comfort and peace to someone else or find someone who can recognize that all I really want is to be able to talk about my children without feeling like a horror story. 

I should close this before I get carried away, if you're reading this and looking for ways to support someone you know here I haphazardly wrote what I felt were some of the best ways to do so.

xo, Anne.

Momma Update (6 months postpartum)

I am quickly approaching six months postpartum, I can't believe that I am a momma to a little (nearly) six month old! So I wanted to do a little mommy update six months postpartum, six months post c-section, six months since becoming a momma here on earth. I still can't believe I'm this lucky, thank you Lord.

PHYSICALLY (c-section)
Until it had completely healed up, I was very watchful of my incision - afterall a c-section is major surgery and the complications that can happen are a little scary (infection, reopening the incision ect..) also despite being the kind of person that very rarely takes any medication I tried to stay on top of my pain medication as I was told that not only would doing so help with my recovery but also help me focus on breastfeeding and keeping my supply up.

For the first two weeks after my c-section getting up and moving about were difficult, although I made sure to walk around when I could because I was told that would help speed up my recovery. I am so grateful for all the help I had from my parents and my husband - I was very lucky to have all the help that I did and I do attribute that to how well I recovered and how quickly we were able to establish good breastfeeding habits.

By two weeks postpartum I was feeling (practically) back to normal, and between feeling better than I probably should have (typical c-section recover is 6-8weeks) and finally being able to do things that I hadn't been able to since the beginning of our journey to Lilly (from being cautious over the years of trying to the bed rest and restrictions of my pregnancy) I would frequently overdo it. My incision would ache if I did too much but it was hard to remind myself that I was still only a few weeks post major abdominal surgery. However at two months postpartum I had a small leak from my incision, I panicked and we called the health nurse they said it seemed normal so we kept an eye on it and were cleared at my next doctors appointment and that my incision was healing nicely. Needless to say I sort of learnt my lesson about recovery and tried to listen to my body more.

Now it is a small pink line and I can't believe that my little miracle was delivered through a tiny little line. I am so proud and all considered, my c-section was a great experience. Was I sore? Yes, but I brought my miracle into this world. I did it, absolutely worth it. 

PHYSICALLY (other)

My postpartum bleeding lasted longer than I expected, much longer than it did after my son's delivery and I wonder if it has to do with the delivery (vaginal versus c-section?) my recovery because I was up and about much faster after our son, the simple fact that I lost a lot of blood because of the placental abruption or heck, different pregnancy, different baby, different recovery. It would slow down to nothing and just when I'd start to feel like it was over, it would pick back up again. 

The little brown line down my belly has since faded, it took longer than I expected but I was okay with having that little reminder that I was pregnant, that my body stretched to carry my miracle. 

Speaking of stretching skin, I did get some new stretch marks from this pregnancy but those too have already faded (some are desperately holding onto slight color but it won't be long). I'm a mom, if that was my trade to have this amazing little girl in my arms then I clearly ended up with the better side of the deal. My stomach still has some loose skin but I am below my pre-pregnancy weight and when you consider the bed rest and restrictions I had during and even after this pregnancy while I recovered from my c-section.. that is pretty awesome! I still have some toning to do but despite toting around my little lady and going for walks with the hubby I haven't started exercising just yet (I fear that exercise and breastfeeding may conflict, the last thing I want is to loose my supply just to tone up) but I feel really good with where my body is. My core muscles came back together (twice now!) which is just another penny in the someday-abs jar and overall I'm pretty happy.

I feel like I could easily write a whole post on my breastfeeding experience, so bare with the brief update for now. I am so lucky to still be exclusively breastfeeding my Lilly, there have been no supplementing for us and she is thriving! She has always been a champion and my body seems to be doing just what it needs to, is it always easy? no way but the benefits to my daughter make every bit of difficulty absolutely worth it for me. 

Initially I didn't have any issues with postpartum hair loss but as the months passed by, and I know that this is partially due to the season, but I am shedding hair like crazy. I have wildly thick hair so the shedding isn't an issue for me and seems there is always more than what is falling out - it is just a little ridiculous when you put a shirt on and can watch in the mirror as strands of curls fall down your back.

EMOTIONALLY
This is another topic that could quickly turn into it's own post so forgive the quick update and keep your eyes out for all the details another week. Talking about this is very much out of my comfort zone but I think it is important - especially as a mom after loss. Despite years of riding my high horse saying I couldn't understand feeling blue if I actually got my baby since I survived grieving my son without depression or anything else. But my ride on the high horse didn't include the fact that there are raging hormones that I cannot control nor would they make sense. I hit a rough patch of baby blues shortly after coming home, somewhere between dealing with the emotional roller coaster of finally having our miracle in my arms and sorting through the emotions that come from the losses and struggles we faced to get here - I have never in my life felt so afraid and still so in love. 

I am still overwhelmed with worries and anxiety, however I have always been very anxious so the doctors have made note of it and we're watching it. I know that all moms worry and I also know that the worry may be heightened because of what we've experienced on the journey to Lilly. Prayer, talking to my amazing husband (along with hearing from other moms, hello to my mom!) and our Angel Care movement monitor are the reasons I relax (or sleep) at all.

That said, from the moment I heard her cries (who am I kidding, from the moment that test turned positive, heck from the moment we decided we were ready for baby number two) I have been absolutely over the moon in love with my daughter and being her mommy. I do believe that parents after loss are different, because of this complete awareness that nothing is guaranteed - we love differently. Not better, just very different.

I soak her in, marvel at everything she does and the fact that she is mine - I am hers. That she cries for me, smiles at me, in a way that is so different than anyone else. I am so very happy, so grateful, for every moment that I get to be her momma. I don't want to miss a minute with her and even when she is finally peacefully asleep in her bed I want to pick her up and just absorb every bit of her. I still am in such awe that this little girl is mine, I am her mom. Thank you lord.

I can't think of anything else to include in this update on me but if anyone has any questions feel free to ask away :) See you next week.

xo, Anne

Top 5 Breastfeeding Essentials

I have been blessed to be able to breastfeed my daughter since the day she was born, thankfully without much problem so far - although I mostly blame that on the champion that my sweet Lilly is.

For future reference, or maybe for anyone strolling by, these were my top five breastfeeding essentials.

1. Support, and honestly as much of it as you can get. Breastfeeding is a natural and beautiful thing, but it can also very hard/exhausting ect.. so to have support be it from your husband, your family, or an online community - it's great to be told that I'm "doing a great job" or be able to ask questions when I'm uncertain.

2. Be confident in yourself breastfeeding, I went to the hospital so anxious that so many people would be dealing directly with my breasts. They've always been a private part of me and suddenly practically every nurse during our two night stay would be discussing, helping and seeing them. I was absolutely mortified, so I think it most definitely is an essential to feel confident and know that this is a natural and amazing thing. After our first night I told myself to get over it and absorbed as much information I could get, even meeting with the lactation consultant, making sure my latch was good and asking every seemingly silly or strange question that came to mind.

3. Tracking app, sure there are other options like a bracelet you switch to remember which side you last fed on but I preferred an app on my phone. I searched and tried a few before settling on one called Breastfeeding (hah). I wanted something that would track times and it is kind of neat to look at statistics like how many times I nurse a day. Makes things very easy for the doctor and even just my own sanity.

4. Comfortable clothes to nurse in, I haven't spent much money on specifically nursing clothes (most remind me of maternity clothes), just a couple of bras and tanks. But tweaking my wardrobe to accommodate access makes a huge difference when you're nursing (especially out in public).

5. Breast pads, I debated for a while which item would take the last spot on my list of essentials and although sometimes I really like my nursing pillow or love having great breastfeeding resources like Kelly Mom available I need breast pads and my favorite are the Lansinoh pads. They are wide enough that I seldom worry about leaks and are super soft.

xo, Anne

3 Trimesters

1st TRIMESTER
START BUMP MEASUREMENT: 34 inches

SYMPTOMS: all day nausea, stretching/cramping, exhaustion, mood swings.
CRAVING: milk, anything with melted cheese & sweets, especially fruit.
AVERSIONS: Chinese food and mushroom soup (two that I loved very much pre-pregnancy), poutines (at first, I craved them but since mid 1st trimester, the thought makes me incredibly nauseous) coffee and some seafood (neither of which I liked before but the smell never bothered me until now)
MILESTONES: finding out with Dyl, sharing the news with our families, seeing our healthy baby at 8wks, hearing the heartbeat at 9wks.

2nd TRIMESTER
START BUMP MEASUREMENT: 37.5 inches

SYMPTOMS: hip and lower back pain, round ligament pain, stuffy/runny nose, emotional
CRAVINGS: olives, cottage cheese, chocolate, hot chocolate, sweets, milk
AVERSIONS: still poutines and mushroom soup
MILESTONES: making it to the second trimester, feeling movement, daddy feels movement, finding out our baby is a girl!, reaching and passing viability.

3rd TRIMESTER
START BUMP MEASUREMENT: 43inches

SYMPTOMS: Round ligament pains, aches, stuffy nose
CRAVINGS: Cereal with milk, milk, peanut butter granola bars and fruit
AVERSIONS: still poutines, mint

MILESTONES: scheduling our c-section, making the third trimester, 30 weeks, making it to full term, holding our baby girl!

END MEASUREMENTS

BUMP: 49 inches, 15 inches total

WEIGHT: 40lbs total

xo, Anne

Project Nursery { accent wall }

From the beginning I knew I wanted an accent wall, although I briefly bounced between a few different ideas I constantly came back to horizontal stripes.

There are a few different ways people do striped walls, this is what I found worked best for me. But before any calculations or prepping, spend some time planning out what you really want. I had a lot of trouble settling on what colors would become the base color and the stripes; pink on pink, pink and white, pink and grey or somehow adding in that mint. If you're painting a new base you are supposed to allow at least 4 hours of dry time before prepping for stripes, I left mine overnight. I also had to decide how thick I wanted the stripes, a lot of big paint companies claim stripes look best between 4-12 inches, I settled with 7 inches after holding the measuring tape against the wall to get an idea of what it would look like. Did you know that horizontal stripes will make a room appear wider while vertical stripes will make ceilings seem higher than they are - all tricks of the eye.

You will need:

- Step ladder or stool (maybe that's just me?)

- Painters tape

- Measuring tape

- Construction level 

- Pencil

- Small roller (and/or) brush

- Paint!

STEP ONE: CALCULATE

Honestly, I'm not so good at math, so if this is feeling a little daunting to you don't worry - it isn't nearly as complicated as it seems. Start by measuring the height of the wall, if you're doing vertical stripes measure the length instead, I decided to round down to 91 inches after getting 91.4 since that .4 meant one stripe would be a tiny bit larger anyway. I grabbed my calculator (... ahem, my phone) and divided 91 by 7 and got 13. 

If you can't decide on the size of your stripes you can always reverse this calculation by dividing the number of stripes you want, if you use an odd number you will have the same color on top and bottom, choose a smaller number for fewer but larger stripes (try 5) or a bigger number for many thin stripes (try 17). 

As I mentioned before, I ended up with a small decimal (this can happen after you divide too), what will end up happening is one of your stripes will be less than an inch larger than the others. Before you start to have a confused meltdown because math is hard, I know I did right about here, just round down! You won't be able to tell the difference, especially once things like baseboards or crown molding come into play and your furniture moves in.

STEP TWO: DRAW IT BEFORE YOU TAPE IT

It may seem like an extra step, I know I felt that way and tried to go straight to taping, but it is totally worth the effort and it wont take nearly as long as you think. Starting from the bottom corner use the measuring tape to mark where your stripe will start, then line up the level (and make sure it is level) and draw away. 

STEP THREE: TAPE AWAY!

This isn't horribly complicated, just take your time and keep track of which color will go where, for the stripes made of your base coat tape inside your drawn lines and for your accent color line your tape up on the outside of those lines since you only need to paint your accent color now. 

It isn't necessary but I put little bits of tape onto the stripes that I wouldn't be painting, the size difference should be enough to tell which ones get the new paint and which ones will be the base coat, but I wanted to make sure if I wasn't thinking straight I still wouldn't accidentally paint an extra stripe pink.

STEP FOUR: NOW PAINT!

FINALLY! It's the moment we've all been waiting for, planning and day dreaming - it is finally time to paint those stripes! Grab your roller or brush and paint away, I work from the bottom up, from drawing those lines to pulling off the tape, so once that last stripe was painted I jumped off the ladder and went to my bottom corner. I ended up doing two coats, of course make your own judgement - can you get away with just one coat? do you need a third for perfect coverage? Just like before once I painted that last stripe on top I was off the ladder and at the bottom corner, which was starting to dry already, to move onto step five.

STEP FIVE: THE BIG REVEAL

To prevent paint from being taken off the wall (and subsequently wrecking your otherwise beautiful accent wall) I peel the tape off before everything is dry starting at the bottom. It is a little nerve wracking but you'll soon see that there is no ill effect as you pull the tape away and finally all that hard work reveals your perfectly straight stripes.

This whole process from start to finish took less than two hours, I could have probably been finished shortly after the hour mark but stopped to paint a final coat of pink on the other walls. 

I don't know what it is about paint but it absolutely transforms a room and now we're ready to start moving in our little Lilly's furniture!

xo, Anne

Project Nursery { Paint }

No posts last week and it's horrible! These last few weeks have felt like a long run of paint choices and painting and waiting for that horrible paint smell to disappear and then starting over again.

But all that to say we are done painting our sweet baby girl's nursery!

Let's start from the beginning, a couple months ago I brought home a stack of paint chips, my little pile of pink all seemed pretty close to each other. I spent a lot of time holding them up to the various walls in her room to get an idea of how the different lighting throughout the day would play into our final choice, slowly dwindling down our list. I knew I wanted something soft, something that would compliment the white furniture, something she can grow with. As the selection continued to drop I then compared the remaining pinks to the pink on the basket we bought for her room (the very first thing we bought for her nursery!) and Satin Sheets won.

Our chosen pink is from the Lowes Olympic line and I have always liked their no voc paint but at $30 a can, with how much primer and paint needed to go onto our new drywall we were looking at over $120 just on paint alone. Not to mention that the low and no voc is done to help the environment not to protect our bodies from the bad chemicals, I love the environment but if it wouldn't really protect us there wasn't a huge pull to go from low to no vocs. Especially when the switch to low voc cut the price nearly in half.

However to avoid color matching issues we still went with Lowes no voc paint in Satin Sheets, and planned to save on the not so specific ones (primer and white for example)

We tried out a recycled paint, Loop brand from Walmart, which boasts a low voc AND is friendly to the environment by keeping paint out of the landfills but after painting one coat I was sorely disappointed that the strong smell clung in the room and throughout our suite for days, actually it didn't go away until I painted over it and we ended up sleeping elsewhere because the odor was so strong. After that experience we ended up with another brand from Walmart called Home Trends which was still latex paint and claiming to be low voc we grabbed a pre-tinted can of white paint and went on our way. This was actually the same brand as the primer we used and it turned out well so I felt like I was taking a much smaller risk with this brand than the recycled one. Sure enough great coverage and although there was a slight odor having the window open and fan going quickly put and end to that.

Tomorrow I'll give a little sneak peak at our freshly painted nursery and how I did our accent wall without breaking my inner perfectionist :) 

xo, Anne

No Nursery Yet?

As project nursery commences both in real life and on the blog some may wonder why we are just starting now, I mean our daughter is four months old after all and considering it is common practice for moms to prepare the nursery while pregnant (most starting shortly after the big 20 week ultrasound), by those standards I'm getting at this pretty late in the game. Although it is far from unheard of, there is a much smaller group of parents that forgo the nursery preparations until after the baby is born - similarly to those who skip the baby shower for a meet & greet upon baby's arrival.

When I was pregnant with Lilly I would get excited to buy things, to get ready for her but then the "what if" reel would play on in my mind. It was so bad that almost every time we would buy something I was terrified that we'd loose her. Even if I heard her heartbeat that morning, saw her on ultrasound the day before or felt her kicking right there. I was so scared, as if buying an outfit would somehow decide whether or not my body could carry this pregnancy. It made no sense but I could only see preparing the nursery as a bad experience while pregnant and I deserved to enjoy my pregnancy - and every bit of it that I could.

I know that my anxiety with her nursery (among other things) stemmed from our history, once you've lost a child things change. We lost our son at forty weeks pregnant, the day after his due date, his nursery was done when we left to go to the hospital that morning. But instead of the happy homecoming I envisioned, his bright blue room sat empty, dark and silent for months until we packed everything away. I know there are angel moms who yearn for that, just to have something tangible that proves their baby was here, I don't regret that (this is quickly turning into a whole other post) but for the sake of my sanity I was glad to hold off on the nursery.

Also between our renovations and being on some level of bed rest my entire pregnancy, it kind of forced me to stay out of the nursery and I love that I am now able to enjoy it, I am able to participate in preparing her nursery and I have already tweaked our nursery plans to include things that make her happy - which I would be reluctant to do, the way that I'm doing it, if we had already finished her nursery.

I can't wait to start painting, sewing and get this little lady's room done!

xo, Anne

Project Nursery { planning }

With how well our sweet Lilly is growing, it is very clear that the days of her sleeping in her bassinet are numbered and she will need to be transferred into her crib very soon. With that quickly approaching we're officially kicking off project nursery!

While we were trying to conceive and throughout our pregnancy I had a lot of time to day dream of our someday nursery and while there are a lot of things that stuck, there are a lot of things that have changed too. Especially with Lilly here, I've started to include things that she likes and I LOVE that because even though she's so young she has a say in her room! 

Here are the rough plans and ideas for our baby Lilly's nursery.

 All of our nursery furniture is white, which I love, and I think that our all white furniture will make a great base to add pops of soft pink and minty-teal through accessories, paint and what feels like a million sewing/DIY projects that I am hoping to pull off.

While the color combination is far from unique I am looking forward to finding ways to customize her room and like that you can't just go to the store and get the exact same nursery set (though there is nothing wrong with that, just isn't my thing)

I would like to include:

- an accent wall, more than likely with pink stripes, behind the crib.

- create extra seating that doubles as toy storage. 

- a gallery wall featuring things like; maternity photos, a shadow box, her little prints, newborn photos, ultrasounds, meaningful quotes, a pretty mirror ect. (but some of these things may find their place elsewhere)

- a TON of storage by using the bench/bookshelves for her toys and books, having a change table with shelves for storing bath/diaper changing supplies and maximizing both the closet space and the space under the crib for additional storage of clothing/diapers/ect.

I seriously can't wait to start putting things together and see our baby girl's nursery go from ideas and day dreams to ready for her to move into. 

xo, Anne.

I'm BACK!

After taking some time off to soak up our sweet baby girl, who I can't believe is now almost 4 months old, I'm excited to announce that I am back with a bunch of great ideas for the blog :)

Regular posts commence Saturday May 31st!

xo, Anne