Finding Out

Written June 3rd, 2013

I nearly threw up while I filled my plate with Chinese food last weekend, a usual favorite of mine and as the nausea hit me I started to wonder maybe? but after so many negative tests and months of disappointment it is hard to get excited over a possible symptom. Then my period was late, three days, and although I have been later in the past I was starting to feel anxious about my appointment with my obstetrician. I decided I needed some kind of indication, something to sway me one way or another, something to help me prepare for how my appointment would go.

I pulled out one of my digital opk tests, I know that this isn't always accurate and that while the ovulation (LH) hormone and the pregnancy (HCG) hormone were similar and a positive opk this late in my cycle could mean I was pregnant only a pregnancy test could confirm it. Maybe I am just one of those ladies that it works for because during my last pregnancy I would use my left over opk tests to get me through the early uncertainty and always got a positive. As I waited for a result I reminded myself that the results may not be correct but to use whatever it gave me to prepare for my appointment - clearly it would show negative and I could go into my appointment ready to discuss progesterone. To my surprise a smiley face appeared (I use the Clearblue digital, a smiley indicates a positive), my heart jumped to my throat and I tried to remind myself that this wasn't a confirmation.

With my legs trembling and my heart about to burst, I met Dyl on the couch and told him that I had taken an opk and that it showed a positive. As we tried to hold back our excitement we talked about what a positive opk could mean and decided to run to the store and pick up a couple of pregnancy tests. It was middle of the afternoon and while every bit of the ttc-veteran in me told me to wait until morning (because even if I was pregnant the hormones may be too diluted mid afternoon) I guzzled down a big glass of orange juice and waited impatiently for my body to tell me to go. A half hour later Dyl and I headed to the bathroom, this would be the first time I had ever taken a pregnancy test in front of him and I was embarrassed so he turned away while I did my part. Before I could even get the cap on I could see the second line appearing (second? hah it appeared first) as I put the test down and finished up Dyl turned and asked if we had to wait.

By then I was beaming and he could read through me that we weren't going to have to wait, I pulled up the test showing two bright pink lines and we hugged tightly. It was such a different experience having my sweet husband with me and while I am a bit sad that I didn't have an elaborate surprise ready for him like last time, I am happy that we are pregnant and that we were able to hug, giggle and be excited together as we found out.

So my last period was May 2nd, which means I am due February 6th 2014 but will probably deliver late January because of my history. I will be out of the first trimester at the end of July and begin my third trimester and the exciting countdown to our precious baby's arrival mid November.

We can't stop laughing at the irony that we literally took this month off and even considered taking next month off, although we weren't preventing there was also no effort made in trying; no temps, no charts, no attention to ovulation. You know how people tell you "just relax and you'll get pregnant" yeah, that would be me and while I am over the moon that I am pregnant I still understand that there are a lot of situations in the ttc world where "just relax" doesn't cut it. Regardless we have been absolutely overjoyed, discussing the due date and many, many happy little moments as we celebrate our little secret together. Oh we are so ready to be parents, I pray that this sweet little baby is meant to stay with us and we will finally see the end to the terrible storm of infertility and loss with our rainbow baby.

xo, Anne.