Mid Monday shortly after reading, in awe, of the development our 10 weeks of pregnancy had accomplished, I went to the bathroom and I noticed a worrisome amount of pink/brown discharge, I was terrified and Dyl quickly called my OB's office to ask them to arrange an ultrasound for me - which they did for the following day. I spent the rest of the evening with my feet up, convincing myself everything was okay. People all over had experienced far worse bleeding and went on to have healthy babies, midst searching the forums I noticed the bleeding had slowed to only when I went bathroom. I was hopeful, I wasn't bleeding red and it was going away still I couldn't shake the thought that we were loosing another pregnancy.
Our ultrasound approached slowly, I couldn't wait to see if everything was okay but at the same time I was so scared to go in and find out something went wrong. On our way to the ultrasound I tried to prepare for the worst but once the tech put the wand to my belly I saw our little baby and I couldn't help but feel relieved, he or she was still there. But quickly my heart sunk as I realized there was no movement, there should be movement by 10 weeks. I looked to the tech, remembering how happy and sweet our first tech was, this time there was no smile and I could tell from the little conversation we had that the tech was searching for something positive to talk about. Which turned out to be worse than the silence as she asked about my previous pregnancies and auto-assumed our precious son had survived the placental abruption. She excused herself and I knew she was getting the doctor, suddenly this felt all too familiar and the memories of our sweet son then the ectopic replayed in my mind. How could this be happening again? tears threatened to fall as I pleaded desparately to have good news. Please let my baby be okay, but I could tell the moment the doctor walked in it was bad.
"I'm sorry..." and I knew it was over, our baby was gone.
The tech left to go get Dyl and I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
Rest in peace my sweetheart, may you dance among the clouds with your brother.
I'll have to write more later..
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