Waiting

As if on cue the part of me that wishes for my former life and teases me of its happiness went away and on Thursday last week I had finally given up so Dyl called to book an appointment with my obstetrician, want to take a guess at when my appointment is?

July freaking 30th!!

Blahh, I know he is very busy but it just sucks that we'll have to wait that long before anything can start again. I mean, of course we'll continue not-avoiding pregnancy but its difficult to achieve the desired results without ovulation which is what it seems my body has gone back to.

I'm just so disappointed, this essentially means two months wasted and I'm so tired of waiting.

If my period doesn't show up before my appointment I'll reach 5 months late, the longest I had gone last year was 3 months before we started to progesterone pills and clomid cycles and that period was unbelievable – because my body isn't skipping periods it is still building up a lining and when ovulation doesn't occur nothing is telling my body to stop so it keeps building, I don't want to think how bad it's going to be this time.

However, later in the day I finally got over my initial disappointment and realized that this works well for us anyway. I really wanted time to focus on getting back to a healthier lifestyle (healthy eating, regular exercise, taking my vitamins and having a proper sleep schedule) I was so good a couple months back but when things started to slip with my cycles I stopped caring so much. I've already spent the last few days shifting my habits back to healthy and I feel great, I'm certainly looking forward to how great I'll feel in six weeks.

We're also about to embark on a big renovation so I'm excited I'll be able to fully participate and it is summer time – the mountains are calling me constantly to go hiking and this year is the centennial anniversary for the Stampede and since I'm not going to be pregnant I'm planning to really enjoy it. As per usual, I could still enjoy hiking and Stampede while pregnant and probably even help out a little in the renovations too but since I'm not going to be pregnant I might as well celebrate it right? It's just how I deal with the disappointment (you can see me doing the same in earlier entries as well)

Anyway, I guess that is about it for now, I'll be around.