Momma Update (6 months postpartum)

I am quickly approaching six months postpartum, I can't believe that I am a momma to a little (nearly) six month old! So I wanted to do a little mommy update six months postpartum, six months post c-section, six months since becoming a momma here on earth. I still can't believe I'm this lucky, thank you Lord.

PHYSICALLY (c-section)
Until it had completely healed up, I was very watchful of my incision - afterall a c-section is major surgery and the complications that can happen are a little scary (infection, reopening the incision ect..) also despite being the kind of person that very rarely takes any medication I tried to stay on top of my pain medication as I was told that not only would doing so help with my recovery but also help me focus on breastfeeding and keeping my supply up.

For the first two weeks after my c-section getting up and moving about were difficult, although I made sure to walk around when I could because I was told that would help speed up my recovery. I am so grateful for all the help I had from my parents and my husband - I was very lucky to have all the help that I did and I do attribute that to how well I recovered and how quickly we were able to establish good breastfeeding habits.

By two weeks postpartum I was feeling (practically) back to normal, and between feeling better than I probably should have (typical c-section recover is 6-8weeks) and finally being able to do things that I hadn't been able to since the beginning of our journey to Lilly (from being cautious over the years of trying to the bed rest and restrictions of my pregnancy) I would frequently overdo it. My incision would ache if I did too much but it was hard to remind myself that I was still only a few weeks post major abdominal surgery. However at two months postpartum I had a small leak from my incision, I panicked and we called the health nurse they said it seemed normal so we kept an eye on it and were cleared at my next doctors appointment and that my incision was healing nicely. Needless to say I sort of learnt my lesson about recovery and tried to listen to my body more.

Now it is a small pink line and I can't believe that my little miracle was delivered through a tiny little line. I am so proud and all considered, my c-section was a great experience. Was I sore? Yes, but I brought my miracle into this world. I did it, absolutely worth it. 

PHYSICALLY (other)

My postpartum bleeding lasted longer than I expected, much longer than it did after my son's delivery and I wonder if it has to do with the delivery (vaginal versus c-section?) my recovery because I was up and about much faster after our son, the simple fact that I lost a lot of blood because of the placental abruption or heck, different pregnancy, different baby, different recovery. It would slow down to nothing and just when I'd start to feel like it was over, it would pick back up again. 

The little brown line down my belly has since faded, it took longer than I expected but I was okay with having that little reminder that I was pregnant, that my body stretched to carry my miracle. 

Speaking of stretching skin, I did get some new stretch marks from this pregnancy but those too have already faded (some are desperately holding onto slight color but it won't be long). I'm a mom, if that was my trade to have this amazing little girl in my arms then I clearly ended up with the better side of the deal. My stomach still has some loose skin but I am below my pre-pregnancy weight and when you consider the bed rest and restrictions I had during and even after this pregnancy while I recovered from my c-section.. that is pretty awesome! I still have some toning to do but despite toting around my little lady and going for walks with the hubby I haven't started exercising just yet (I fear that exercise and breastfeeding may conflict, the last thing I want is to loose my supply just to tone up) but I feel really good with where my body is. My core muscles came back together (twice now!) which is just another penny in the someday-abs jar and overall I'm pretty happy.

I feel like I could easily write a whole post on my breastfeeding experience, so bare with the brief update for now. I am so lucky to still be exclusively breastfeeding my Lilly, there have been no supplementing for us and she is thriving! She has always been a champion and my body seems to be doing just what it needs to, is it always easy? no way but the benefits to my daughter make every bit of difficulty absolutely worth it for me. 

Initially I didn't have any issues with postpartum hair loss but as the months passed by, and I know that this is partially due to the season, but I am shedding hair like crazy. I have wildly thick hair so the shedding isn't an issue for me and seems there is always more than what is falling out - it is just a little ridiculous when you put a shirt on and can watch in the mirror as strands of curls fall down your back.

EMOTIONALLY
This is another topic that could quickly turn into it's own post so forgive the quick update and keep your eyes out for all the details another week. Talking about this is very much out of my comfort zone but I think it is important - especially as a mom after loss. Despite years of riding my high horse saying I couldn't understand feeling blue if I actually got my baby since I survived grieving my son without depression or anything else. But my ride on the high horse didn't include the fact that there are raging hormones that I cannot control nor would they make sense. I hit a rough patch of baby blues shortly after coming home, somewhere between dealing with the emotional roller coaster of finally having our miracle in my arms and sorting through the emotions that come from the losses and struggles we faced to get here - I have never in my life felt so afraid and still so in love. 

I am still overwhelmed with worries and anxiety, however I have always been very anxious so the doctors have made note of it and we're watching it. I know that all moms worry and I also know that the worry may be heightened because of what we've experienced on the journey to Lilly. Prayer, talking to my amazing husband (along with hearing from other moms, hello to my mom!) and our Angel Care movement monitor are the reasons I relax (or sleep) at all.

That said, from the moment I heard her cries (who am I kidding, from the moment that test turned positive, heck from the moment we decided we were ready for baby number two) I have been absolutely over the moon in love with my daughter and being her mommy. I do believe that parents after loss are different, because of this complete awareness that nothing is guaranteed - we love differently. Not better, just very different.

I soak her in, marvel at everything she does and the fact that she is mine - I am hers. That she cries for me, smiles at me, in a way that is so different than anyone else. I am so very happy, so grateful, for every moment that I get to be her momma. I don't want to miss a minute with her and even when she is finally peacefully asleep in her bed I want to pick her up and just absorb every bit of her. I still am in such awe that this little girl is mine, I am her mom. Thank you lord.

I can't think of anything else to include in this update on me but if anyone has any questions feel free to ask away :) See you next week.

xo, Anne