The days leading up to our scheduled c-section were a blur of preparations and prayer that we would get to bring home our baby girl. All we had to do was make it into the hospital on January 30th.
I imagined the morning of our delivery to be relaxed. Instead I was frantically trying to prepare ourselves for the next time we would be home, as a family of three. I did laundry, stitched up a pair of pants and sorted through her clothes once again as I readied the bedroom we were staying in while renovations continued. We took my last weekly pregnancy photos, a few days late loving that I'd have a bump photo of that very day. We did a belly cast in the last hours, as the cast hardened I could feel her little feet push against it, pulling it away from my skin. I will cherish spending that last hour with my husband, capturing what my pregnant belly looked like. I wanted to remember this feeling forever.
Soon we were throwing our very full hospital bag into the car and off we went. It was a beautiful day, despite a heavy blanket of fresh white snow the sky was a marvelous blue and the sun wad shinning. I soaked up every kick and movement she made in the safe darkness of my belly, we couldn't stop talking about how our little miracle would be in our arms, it still seemed so surreal.
Labor & delivery was really busy so we had to wait long enough for them to prepare a bed for us, there was a mix up with some missed blood work from the day before then we were taken to bed six and the familiar pastel colored curtains. Just like every visit to L&D before, I was given a blue gown to change into but this time Dyl was also instructed to change into a pair of blue scrubs. As our nurse Erin got us hooked up to the heart rate monitor my mind flashed to that same moment with our son five years before, quickly I prayed, then the sounds of our sweet baby girl's beating heart filled the room. Waves of relief flooded over me, over both of us. Thirty-eight long weeks praying that our little miracle would make it and here we were, in the hospital and she was still here, kicking and moving just as strong as ever. We were safe, even if the unspeakable repeated itself, we had a chance to save her. Thankfully it didn't.
What was supposed to be a two hour prep window turned into four, my ob frequently checked on us, despite his and our expectations everything was ready right on schedule except for the anesthesiologist who was swamped. We met members of our delivery team, another nurse named Tara, who after finding out we were about to have our little girl told us that would make two baby boys and two baby girls delivered today via c-section. We also met the doctor who would be assisting our ob, she right away recognized us from a worried trip to L&D weeks before. Two more hours passed by, we were getting restless, anxious to meet our little girl.
I was a mix of emotions, so grateful for the extra time I had to soak up the last moments of my pregnancy, knowing she was safe but so ready to have her in my arms. I also worried for our families and loved ones who were already waiting anxiously for the news that she was here safe - please don't let them be scared, we were okay. We continued to enjoy every kick and movement she made, marveling at the absolute miracle she was, repeatedly telling each other that we couldn't believe our little girl was about to be here in our arms.
Finally at four o'clock the anesthesiologist dropped by, there aren't too many options for pain relief during a c-section which made for a brief visit as I already knew I wanted to stay awake during my c-section. After a little more prep our nurse came along to walk us to the operating room. It was time!
We dropped our things off in our recovery room and walked towards the OR, our nurse Erin stopping to pick out a tiny knitted pink hat for our little girl. As I paddled through the peaceful hallway it suddenly became very real to me that our baby girl was going to be here soon, that despite all of our struggles and worries, despite all the odds stacked against us - she was about to be here! We continued into the operating room while Dyl waited outside for them to finish prepping me.
I climbed onto the tall table and was introduced to the team working to prepare for my c-section, each having a role in my daughter's delivery. I held onto my nurse as my lower half began to freeze and laid down with warm blankets kept me comfortable and the monitor beeped away, this time for me. My ob entered the room and Dyl was brought to my side, the team marveled at how much movement our little girl was making - although I could no longer feel below my chest I smiled proudly at how strong our baby girl was. They explained how she was positioned, her little butt against the same side her back laid against for so many weeks before she turned head down and her feet (while now upside down) were kicking the same spot along my right side that she had been kicking for as long as I could feel.
Then the blue curtain went up, Dyl was holding my hand next to me while the anesthesiologist stayed to my left watching over me and helping me through a rough patch of nausea that I can only assume was caused by a combination of my own anxiety and the medication. My ob talked me through what I was feeling as he performed my c-section, after feeling some pressure he called out that our baby would be here soon and then we heard her little cries. With tears in my eyes we both exclaimed that she was here, she was safe!
Within an hour we were moved from our recovery room to the postpartum unit, our little miracle never leaving our side that night. Daddy pushed her right beside me in her little cot and we loved every minute of being a family of three.
. . .
Our miracle, our beautiful baby girl, our rainbow. Lord knows how long we have prayed for you Lillith ♥
xo, Anne
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