More Kids?

I was six weeks post Lillith's delivery when my obstetrician told us that he suggested we wait at least 9 months and I was shocked. There are some risks that come with c-sections, my biggest concern being problems with the placenta due to the scar tissue surrounding the incision, with my ugly history and risk of repeat placental abruption I want to do everything I can to get from positive test to holding my baby again. I was incredibly surprised and although we have no intentions of getting pregnant it is comforting that if we happen to have a surprise (unlikely after nearly four years trying, on purpose, to conceive our Lilly) that it is safe.

Anyone from close family members to the secretary at the doctors office have asked us "if/when will you be having another?" I typically dance around it but it deserves an honest explanation.

Quick answer? Yes and we'll see.

Many years ago, when Dyl and I were newly weds I wanted a big family and before I truly understood the dangers and gravity of our complications that ended my pregnancy with Gabriel, I remember announcing to our families that we wanted four, plus our precious Gabriel of course. Four children, all two years apart and no preference on the genders obviously because I'm of the seems to be few that DON'T CARE.

That was six years ago, unfortunately some things have changed and for us there is a lot more to take into consideration than your average married couple.

Long story? Yes we would like to have another child some day, to give Lillith a sibling here on this earth. Of course if our sweet little girl is our only here then I will always still be so thrilled to have her call me Mom - I have her here, that is all that I asked for and more than I could ever hoped for. I'm so very blessed to have our little miracle here safe. But if I have the opportunity to give Lillith a little brother or sister I would be happy.

Timing is a little more difficult as we are both very familiar with the disappointment of months turned years of trying to conceive but know that since there was never a reason for our secondary infertility we may just get pregnant too (I don't really believe this though).

There are also things like the high risk nature of my pregnancies and the physical restrictions that accompany those complications along with the level of stress and worries that weigh into our decision too. I worry how we will maintain bed rest while still giving Lillith every bit of attention in care that she needs and deserves. But it's hard to know where that line can be drawn, is it 2 years? 3? I know that either way we can make things work so it's a matter of deciding which is the better option for our family. I know that there are all over the world have high risk pregnancies and subsequent children to take into consideration.

Our vague "plan" at this point is waiting until Lillith is two-ish, this is by no means set in stone and it kind of frustrates me that this is so complicated for us.

One thing is certain, I will be returning to my high risk ob and I will still have a very high risk pregnancy but our family will always be worth it.

But until then, we are planning to soak up every little thing about our baby girl, she's here and it's always going to be about her and what is best for her.

xo, Anne