Sharing Our Story

Slowly I've been opening up to three people who are very close to me, the thought makes me uncomfortable and I don't entirely understand why. It isn't that I'm embarrassed or anything, I'm so proud of the miracle our sweet boy is, that he was able to change me in so many ways in such a brief amount of time. That I am forever changed because he is mine.

I guess it is just that this is my story, my life - this is so much more than a statement.

"Do you have any kids?"

That question, or any variation of it, always makes me pause - probably longer than the person asking expects for what may seem to them a simple question. My mind spins, urging me to tell of the precious blond boy that captured my heart and changed me forever. Instead a quick no slips between my lips, almost a whisper, my eyes drop. Usually that is the end of it, but some are more prodding, "when?" "why?" etc. sometimes follow and with each avoided question comes another and my heart is quickly getting angry that I should just tell them so they could leave me be. But that isn't how I want to talk about my son, our story isn't something I say knowing it'll make someone uncomfortable, it isn't a statement. It is personal, it is a conversation that I save for only those trusted and truth be told - up until now it has only been for those that were there.

I've been slowly opening up to three people that I've become very close to at work, I never expected to build such strong friendships through my part-time job at the studio. I'm constantly surprised actually that they want to listen, that this isn't a conversation ender but instead that they ask about him and want to know about our sweet boy. Its nice, it is so nice to know my baby is thought of, that someone wants to know about him.

Recently our conversations have shifted more to my struggles to get pregnant, another topic that I have avoided with most of the people in my life. I am constantly surprised by how comfortable I feel sharing all of this with them, I never expected to build such great friendships at work but I am so happy I have.

I know there are a lot of people in our situation that tell it like it is no matter who asks and many that only open up to their loved ones. But how about those stuck in the middle of the two? When do you open up to others? Who do you decide to trust? I pick and choose very carefully who I tell, I've always been a very private person (ironic that I write a blog about my struggles to get pregnant though) and I struggle with the idea of openly sharing our story with just anyone. I think as long as you find that support; be it with friends or family members, an online forum or real life support group as long as you feel loved & supported it doesn't matter.

& I guess I'll finish this weird and sort of random post with a little shout out to people that will probably never read this blog but none the less, if I have shared with you our story know that I trust you wholeheartedly and that I value your friendship greatly. I love you guys and hope that you know I am always here for you too :)