Healthy Habits & Weight Loss

After my ectopic pregnancy, the distaste I felt towards myself and my body after loosing our son in 2008 only escalated. I began neglecting the healthy habits I had built, wondering why I should bother when it did nothing to help my pregnancies. I mean, people have babies all over the world with bodies in worst shape than mine. Logically, I know the benefits to having such good healthy habits for both pregnancy as well as everyday life easily prove that staying healthy IS what is best. I am also well aware that these good habits had nothing to do with my losses or struggles, those just happened. I also like to have that bit of knowledge that I DID do everything I could to give our babies the absolute best. But sometimes, I get very frustrated; why SHOULD I maintain a healthy weight? why SHOULD I eat healthy? why SHOULD I keep taking these disgusting pills? why SHOULD I bother avoiding the pregnancy no-no foods? a lot of people don't bother with any of these and still get pregnant and still have their babies, why should I bother?

Yeah, sometimes my head isn't very nice, trust me, it is a lot meaner to me than anyone else. 

ANYWAY, while we took time off from the ectopic and I neglected those healthy habits I started to gain weight, I went from my happy little pre-pregnancy (even after our son) weight of 115lbs to 140lbs. It didn't happen over night, actually that weight gain encompasses the entire time we struggled with infertility, so it took more than two years before I hit my highest at 142lbs. Once I got my head out of the sand I realized these bad habits weren't okay, I started to move back to healthy eating and exercising - it was always a huge stress because my work outs were high intensity and nothing I would want to subject my pregnancy to, so I would worry and time out these workouts during the window of my cycle where I wasn't pregnant. Yes, I spent a little less than two weeks each month doing these big work outs then the other two(ish) weeks going without. I started to fluctuate a little with my weight and my body felt much better despite the whacky exercise routine. I regularly checked with my family doctor and my obstetrician that I was still at a healthy weight for pregnancy, which they always assured me that I was. But my head always felt differently and while we struggled with the infertility I wondered if my weight had anything to do with it, judging from my past two pregnancies where I got pregnant easily it definitely added fuel to my suspicions but since we were midst Clomid cycles I decided to accept my doctor and obstetrician's approval and try not to worry.

We did get pregnant, after more than two years of trying and a handful of Clomid rounds, I lost a couple pounds during my brief pregnancy and had assumed that my body was just adjusting to taking care of both me and our baby. I am two months post D&C and am now sitting at 132lbs, an amazing 10lbs less than my heaviest and about 8lbs less than I was at the beginning of our last Clomid cycle - I have also dropped inches all over and now sit at 36-29-36.5 HOLY MOLY!! I have now accepted that my body has changed (say hello to my hips & chest! haha) since that first positive test five years ago and it will no longer look proportioned at 115 like it did when I was younger. This is my adult body, this is my post pregnancy body - it carried our son all the way past his due date, it has definitely changed and that isn't a bad thing. 

My eating habits are much better (after my meltdown post miscarriage), I've upped my water intake again, I am slowly returning to that good sleeping routine and after the holidays I will get back to exercising and being more active. I'm not looking to loose more weight, to be honest I wasn't even looking to loose the weight I have lost already, I am happy where I am now and if all that comes from returning to those good healthy habits is feeling better then I am okay with that.

I can't help but wonder if this is the turning point? that things will be easier? that my cycles will regulate and we will find ourselves pregnant quickly? I can't imagine how amazing that would be.